I once told you
I am afraid I will remember
For years, decades or a lifetime
After the inevitable ending
I wonder if you still remember me, now
Sometimes, I hope you will never be happy
And find another
So you will regret
Walking away from me
If I had a say to choose
Which ending we could have had
I would choose the one with cursing
Or humiliation
Not the one with tears
Nor the words 'I Love You'
H.
Do You Remember?
_________________________
____________
_________________________
Labels: Poem
Meaninglessness
It has been a while since the last time I posted on this blog. Writing has always one of my favourite things, yet, I had no impulse to play the tuts on the keyboard lately.
This takes me back to last year when I was a tour guide. At that time, on a holiday season, I took too many tourists to too many places, which nauseated me. It bores me. By then, I cannot differentiate working to vacationing. Everything is mingled into a greyish dough of monotonous boredom. I did not know what to do when I was not working since I associated vacationing with working.
This scares me. I am afraid my current job, which involves a lot of writing, has turned another colour in my life into other monochromatic radiations. I am now associating writing with working.
What scares me more is that the possibility that writing is not really my passion, which means that, at this moment, I have nothing to lean on and to project into, which means that another meaning of my life is gone, which means that my life is getting more and more meaningless than the meaningless state of what it has been.
I guess I am turning into the man of this new era. I am good at nothing. I am only doing something for the betterment of my life, to purchase things for the sake of my survival and petty needs of instant self-gratification.
I am only a meaningless-replaceable spectator, watching other people success and excel at whatever they are doing. I watch football/movies, see successful entrepreneurs or read novels/books without being able to properly play, start a business, act or write. I do not even know what my true passion is, let alone to go for it.
As far as I can think, I am very good at being a sheep, walking only to the direction set by the shepherds, or by fear of their dogs. I am a very good citizen, I work hard to buy many things.
I exchange my labour with junk food I ate more than what my body could handle, and sometimes buy some fancy stuffs to feed my fragile ego that needs constant confirmations and acknowledgments.
I wish I were born in Mecca or Medina 14 hundreds years ago. I would have struggled and fought side by side with Muhammad PBUH. Else, I would prefer to be born a century ago, so I could be with Soekarno, defending my country.
Sometimes a part of me wonders, ‘why am I here? What contribution do I make? What in this world is better because of me?’
…and then, another part of me answers, ‘Nothing I can think of’.
_____________________________________
______________________
_____________________________________
Labels: Descriptive , Expository
Freedom
To me, freedom derives from choices; choices to do or be one thing over the other. I think I am free now. Yet, I sleep a little too late and wake up a little too early. My time is a little too short, my body is a little too tired, and my wallet is a little too thin for a vacation. So, I am a little less humane and a little too mechanistic than ‘free’ human beings.
Then, I asked myself, “Am I a slave?”
From all the books that I have read, all teachers that I have learned from, and all things that I have experienced, I think, freedom comes from abundance or hard work—which is the opposite of freedom itself.
In college, the students are freer than the ones in high school. They are free to go to class or not, to do assignment or not, and to study or not (without being treated as running away criminals). They have choices whether to be lazy or not. That is freedom. However, at the last semester, they have to sacrifice their sleep to study, they have to understand the lesson if they wanted to pass the subject. That is absolutely the opposite of freedom.
Workers have a choice to quit their job and claim their freedom to sleep, read, hang out, travel, and do anything they want for the rest of their life. That is freedom. For a little while, they will run out of money. Then, they will be desperately in need for a job. That is not freedom.
People are free to smoke, to do drugs, to eat junk food and to sit on a couch all the time. That is freedom until they were diagnosed with severe illness. Then, they are deprived from all of those things that they like. In fact, they have to do certain exercises or therapies and have daily or weekly check up with a doctor.
Are people free to choose whom to marry or they have no other choices since no one else (good enough) wants them so that they choose the least bad candidate?
It is from intelligence and discipline you can choose whether to sleep or hang out in final weeks of the semester.
It is from wealth you can choose sleeping or travelling at any given day.
It is from good health you can choose to eat junk food or sweets.
It is from a high quality life you can choose a high quality person to marry—since a low quality person can only attract high quality person on movies.
We can never be free. There are visible and invisible strings that bind us, but some are freer than others.
A crippled bird cannot walk, a broken-winged bird cannot fly, a caged bird can fly a little, and other birds can fly only in a certain height. Some birds can fly higher than other birds but all birds cannot fly high enough to go beyond the Earth's atmosphere.
______________________________
______________________
______________________________
This idea came to me when I was fueling my gas. I always choose the gas station that is on my left side (so that I do not have to cross) and less long-queued, at least 2 or 3 bikes queuing. I always had enough gas so that I could skip and choose. Yet, at that time I was running out of gas. Then I saw a gas station that was on my right side and there were about 15 bikes queuing. I did not have any choice.
Peka
Peka
Dalam satu hari, aku dapat
melihat banyak hal. Ketika berkendara, aku melihat sekumpulan orang yang membangun
gubuk, kemungkinan tidur dan makan juga, di antara timbunan sampah. Kemudian,
di rumah, aku melihat pemberitaan di televisi mengenai kasus kekerasan seksual—ditambah
pembunuhan—pada anak dan perempuan yang sudah seperti jamur di musim penghujan.
Akupun bertanya-tanya, “Kok bisa gitu sih?”
Kemudian, aku ingat cerita tentang alegori katak dalam air
panas. Intinya kira-kira seperti ini, “Jika kita memasukan seekor katak ke
dalam panci berisi air yang sudah mendidih, pasti dia akan langsung melompat ke
luar; sedangkan jika kita memasukannya ke dalam air dingin yang sedikit demi
sedikit kita panaskan, katak itu akan beradaptasi sampai airnya mendidih dan ia
pun mati”.
Mitos ataupun fakta, menurutku yang
penting adalah nilai yang bisa dipetik dari alegori tersebut. Salah satu
mekanisme primordial pertahanan hidup sel adalah dengan cara beradaptasi dan
menyesuaikan diri dengan lingkungan dan keadaan. Inilah salah satu alasan
mengapa ada orang yang dapat membangun gubuk di antara pegunungan sampah. Aku yakin
tidak ada orang yang dapat bersantap dan terlelap di sana dengan seketika. Awalnya,
mungkin mereka akan merasa mual, lama-kelamaan, karena terbiasa, merekapun
sudah tidak peka lagi terhadap bebauan yang sudah menjadi bagian dari
keseharian mereka. Mungkin bila aku ada di posisi mereka, akupun akan mampu
beradaptasi.
Film biru pun seperti itu, seorang anak lelaki berusia 13 tahun yang baru
pertama kali menonton film itu kemungkinan besar akan merasa jijik. Beberapa saat
kemudian, dia mulai terbiasa dan bosan dengan adegan ‘biasa’; akhirnya, batas
toleransinya akan meningkat, dia tidak akan merasa puas jika hanya menonton
adegan yang ‘biasa’. Saat itu dia akan mencari kategori film yang ‘luar biasa’ dan
akhirnya tidak akan merasa puas apabila hanya menonton.
Rokok juga seperti itu, ketika
pertama kali merokok, teman SMA-ku pingsan dan muntah-muntah setelah menghisap
sebungkus rokok dalam satu hari. Hal itu terjadi karena tubuhnya masih peka
terhadap racun rokok. Semakin lama, bagaikan katak yang sudah terbiasa, dia pun
dapat menghabiskan satu hingga dua bungkus rokok dalam satu hari dan merasa sangat bahagia. Si Katak
mulai merasa nyaman dalam air yang membunuhnya secara perlahan.
Kekerasan dalam Rumah Tangga (KDRT)
pun kurasa seperti itu. Katakanlah pihak pria yang melakukan KDRT. Ketika dalam
masa pendekatan, bila Sang Pria langsung memaki dan memukul pasangannya, hampir
pasti Sang Wanita akan langsung meninggalkannya. Namun, pada kebanyakan kasus,
hal ini terjadi secara bertahap. Sesaat sebelum menikah atau pada usia
pernikahan yang masih muda, Sang Wanita mungkin merasa bahwa pasangannya agak
kasar, namun—dengan kepercayaan bahwa dia akan berubah—dia tetap bertahan. Akhirnya,
setelah sekian lama, agresifitas Sang Pria akan semakin meningkat seiring
dengan meningkatnya batas toleransi Sang Wanita. Hingga Sang Wanita pun akhirnya menyadari
bahwa batas ketahanan tubuhnya tidak lebih tinggi daripada batas toleransi
psikisnya.
Terakhir, apakah Anakin
Skywalker semerta-merta berubah menjadi Darth Vader? Apakah dia langsung
bergabung dengan ‘Kegelapan’? Ataukah perubahannya terjadi secara bertahap, di mana kepekaan
semakin berkurang dalam setiap kenaikan tahap-tahapnya.
**************
Berbeda dengan Sang Katak, aku terlahir dalam panci yang berisi air. Aku beranjak dewasa dalam panci itu. Mungkin airnya makin panas, mungkin makin dingin. Aku tidak tahu. Satu Celsius takkan terasa. Mungkin aku akan tahu di akhir nanti, tapi mungkin sudah terlambat.
_____________________________________
_______________________
_____________________________________
Labels: In Indonesian
Why I Waste My Time on Writing
Why I Waste My Time on Writing
One of many things that
I do not like about myself is that I am so forgetful. I have been trying to retain
my precious knowledge and childhood memories only to find out that everything has run like a handful of sand and a gnawed leaf. That is, I think, one of the
reasons why I bother wasting my time trying to manifest my thoughts to words.
I am aware that writing—just
like remembering—is actually an act of creating instead of projecting reality from one mode into another.
I am, however, okay with the approximation of it. I think I would be so glad to look back
to it from different perspective when I am old—if I lived long enough.
I see my writing as a
camera that captures moments. Even though the photographs are not the best and
high-definition ones—even crappy sometimes—it is all I have got and I am
grateful for that. This is my crappy old camera that I rely upon besides my
small-sized-full-of-viruses memory card that frequently engulfs my precious
contents I tried to keep.
I am surprised, most of
the time, when I saw the images that I captured. Anything that I tried to capture—a
beauty or crap—ended up being a crap or a worse crap. Maybe it is because the
actual moment has been filtered through my limited senses and manifested by my
limited linguistic resources. Anyway, it is a special kind of ‘worse’, though.
This is my own ‘worse’, not anyone else’s ‘worse’ or even ‘best’.
At times, I do free-writing
which I use as a mirror through which I see my reflection. There are so many
things that I am unaware of about me. Thus, my writing is also a kind of selfie that I took and then inspected. I
might be jolted by what I found. Sometimes, it is some parts in my face that I
thought were not there, sometimes, it is a complete stranger’s face that scares
me.
What a thrill!
_____________________
______________
_____________________
The Current
I am not considering myself a traveler or backpacker since I do not travel a lot. Anyway, I enjoy almost every time I travel—alone or with companion. Some of the time, I felt ecstatic when I saw the sun rise and set whether I was at a beach, mountain, or city I traveled. I was captivated by that moment. I literally paused and enjoyed the beauty of it. I know it sounds cliché, but that is the moments when I felt a strange kind of completeness and peace. Not only did I feel it when I saw the sun, but also when I woke up there, despite of having ‘panda’ eyes from a very instant sleep.
It makes me wonder, how come I felt completely different in my ‘normal’ day. I am the same person; the sun is the same sun; I breathe the same air and feel the same wind caressing my face.
I want to have more of those moments. The moment when I looked at the sun at the horizon as I mumbled, ‘Good morning’, without lying about the ‘good’; the moment when I speak, ‘Good afternoon’, sincerely even though I felt so tired; and closed my eyes with the ‘Good night’ as I looked forward to catching up with tomorrow.
I lost the beauty of the present because my eyes kept looking at the future.
It is as if I was in a meadow, walking and walking straight toward an unknown point. All the time, I worried too much about the path that I walked on, whether it was bumpy or slippery. I failed to realize that there are so many beautiful flowers and nice places at the sides. I did not know that there is nothing but a cliff at the end of the path.
I realize that I had lived my entire life unconsciously. I failed to notice the beauty of anything around me. I cursed the sun that burnt my skin, the rain that dampened me, the weather that was too hot, the fact that I had to wake up so early, the lack of sleep, failed relationships, almost all the things.
I distanced myself from anything that is 'not me'.
I was too busy judging things, and people, as ‘nice’ and ‘not nice’ based on my personal preferences—which mostly turn out wrong. Falling from a bicycle that I labeled ‘not nice’ was actually a turning point when I could finally ride a bicycle. Being broke and dependent on public transportation for years—which I thought ‘not nice’, is actually one of the best moments for I could finish my assignments and read many textbooks and novels.
I demanded that life should be this and that. I did not know that I am the part of life. I am a drop of water in a great current of The River. I tried so hard to swim against the current and then failed and depressed. It is all just a thought that differentiates happiness with depression; a thought that can pause me to look at the beauty of life in my brief existence.
I am trapped in the current. I have no control whatsoever to move against the current since I am part of the current, in fact, I am the current. I, however, have some controls over where and how to look, and of course, how to respond.
___________________________________________
___________________________
___________________________________________
Happiness with the Capital H
To me, one of the ultimate purposes in life is to find Happiness. Then, where can I find this happiness? Some say it resides in money, relationship, travelling, raising children, or simple things such as smoking while drinking coffee in the morning. I, however, do not think this is the case. Don’t get me wrong. Those are nice things, but to me, it is not a true Happiness since it will not last simply because human mind is so adaptable to changes—either good or bad ones.
Three to four years ago, I completely depended on public transportation. I was so broke; the money that I had was just enough for transportation and mineral water. I could not go places and all I knew was just the route from my home to campus. At that time, I said to myself that I would be happy and fulfilled if I had a bike and some money.
Let’s cut the long story short, I got some freelance jobs and then I had some money to buy a secondhand bike. I was so happy. Then, my ‘default state’ leveled up. After a while, I want more. I did not feel that happiness any longer. After that, I thought getting good grades would make me happy. Then, I got quite good grades. I was happy. Later, I felt empty inside. Then, I thought flirting with some cute girls would make me happy. When I did it, I was happy. Later, I felt empty inside again. I would either want something more or something else.
If I won a hundred million Rupiah lottery, I would buy a Jet Ski and be so happy. After a while, my happiness level would go up to a new ‘default state’. In a few months, after riding that Jet Ski a hundred times, I probably would get bored and forget the happiness when I won the lottery and the Jet Ski—like my bike. Let’s say that a year later, I got robbed, lost the Jet Ski, and ended up becoming a bum. I was so depressed. My ‘default state’ would go down. Then, in a random day, I found 15.000 Rupiah on the street. I would be so happy, and then I bought some food. The next day, I would feel empty inside again and a voice in my head would ask, ‘I want more!' or 'Now what?’
I realized that I am trapped in a crazy loop, and I have to find a more permanent source of Happiness—yes, the one with capital H.
It may seem that I am very hard to please.
To be frank, I felt happy when I was in a relationship; in an amusement park when I got on some rides that pump my adrenaline; when I was hanging out with my friends; also, over small things such as watching movies, reading books, having an ice cream, and having silly random conversations about things like, ‘what is your favorite color?’, ‘What do you fear the most?’, or ‘What kind of death do you prefer?’.
However, then, I always felt empty inside when I went home after those activities. To be precise, it is shortly after I mumbled, ‘That was fun!’
"Happiness seems to be a fountain of youth. They spend all their time searching for it. They leave their houses not knowing that their time is running out…"
When I was alone at home after boosted by one of those pills of excitements, a voice in my head would ask for something more or something else. It is crazy how it craves more and more ‘pills’. It is as if I was a drug addict and my mind kept screaming, “I want more! I want more! Give me more!” and then, if I could not get what it wanted, I would have a withdraw syndrome. Then, I felt sad or even depressed.
That is why many people would find a shortcut for stimulation like drug, alcohol, cigarette, porn, confirmation on social media, boyfriend/ girlfriend, and many more. These types of people would have a roller-coaster mood swing. They would be happy and then sad in a short period of time. You may have a friend, girlfriend, or boyfriend, who grumbles on social media because he/she felt that nobody was around when he/she is depressed as if everybody is responsible for his/her happiness. Yet, he/she thinks they are responsible.
That is currently what happens to a majority of people—sometimes, I am included.
"In front of a genie, a bum wished for a great job, big mansion, a beautiful wife, and cute kids (Yes, he got 4 wishes, this is different lamp). He got that. One day his wife took the kids to go shopping. Five hours later, they had not come back. He wondered what if his wife met a cool guy and cheated with him; what if someone kidnapped his kid; what if they got robbed. Then, He got a heart attack."
Where is It?
As long as I live, I thought Happiness is outside while, in fact, it is inside my mind. There is nothing outside that can make me happy and fulfilled in the long run.
From my readings, one of the ways to unhook the monkeys on our back is by self-isolation for one or two hours, or more. What I meant is by unplugging all sources of stimulation. Then, try to be still and comfortable. We should notice how our mind reacts on this. Within minutes, it would create a withdraw syndrome. It is like treating a drug addict, in a way.
Being aware is very important since only a few people can even understand this. Then, we might need to do self-affirmation, meditation, and contemplation so that we can be more aware of the now and have an attitude of gratitude.
There are many steps ahead that you need to know. You may want to know the science of it by researching on neurotransmitter and Dopamine something. Yet, this is not a Self-Help post. Go help yourself!
Now, I might seem like a monk who does not need money, friends, girlfriends, and other worldly things. Of course not, in fact I want that all. I am suggesting a less neurotic kind of life, though. In social context, I think it would be nice to be firstly happy inside, so that instead of intoxicating other people’s mood, we can be positive or at least be neutral to others. Moreover, I think it is great to be happy without external stimulation.
Also, keep in mind that I am not promoting being emotionless.
If in the left side we have someone with Bipolar Disorder and in the right side we have a Psychopath monster, it would be great to be somewhere in a middle; a stable human being who understands his/her emotion; a human being who looks.
"Happiness seems to be a fountain of youth. They spend all their time searching for it. They leave their houses not knowing that their time is running out. In their deathbed, they regret and mumble, “It is here all along”."
_________________________________
____________________
_________________________________
I am not writing fact here. This is merely my story and it may be right as it may be wrong. Maybe money is the ultimate Happiness, or boyfriend/ girlfriend, or career, or a Jet Ski, or watching movies, or reading books. I don't know. Maybe.
On Life
On Life
Currently, I spend more of my time on the road rather than on the
actual working. It is actually better, though, since I could have wasted more
time on the road if I had worked at one of the companies or institutions that I
applied before. Anyway, I am used to it.
Yes, I am used to all the hustle and bustle on the road. To me,
there is no noise anymore; it has been the music orchestrated to background my
day. It has been my routine. Even, now, I feel that my involuntary system does
all the riding while I am wondering in some strange land of imagination and
contemplation.
To me, the road—especially that I crossed almost every day—has
made people less humane. They pace up their bikes or cars like a madman. It is
a normality to see someone fall from their bikes or get hit by a car, or bus. I
do not know why they risk their life; I cannot comprehend why they sacrifice
their life, for what? It may be to be on time to work, which leads me to ask
further questions on the reason why they are always in hurry or why they are
always in the oh-my-god-I-will-be-late state of situation.
It is so difficult to make a U-turn without constant fear that
some madman would hit me from the back, or any sides. The road and routines
have robbed the humanity out of human. I see nothing but robots instead of good
loving fathers, mothers, husbands, wives, brothers, sisters, children, or
cousins.
Then, suddenly, I got a message that my cousin—who is also my best
friend since childhood—dies in a bike crash. Yes, he dies; not died nor passed
away; he dies! The death is not the past; it never stops haunting me. For other
people, it maybe just some news like, “Honey, I saw a man die today. He was so
young, I feel so sorry for him. Anyway, where is my dinner?”
It is not like that for me even though I cannot do anything more
than what those random people do.
That is the reality screaming at my face that life matters. Yes,
life matters! Not only the life of my cousin or people who I know or love, but
also every other life of people who is a complete stranger to me.
Even though it seems natural, it is so egotistical, though, to
think that one’s life is more important than others’; even to think that my
mother’s life is more important than my neighbor’s mother’s life.
Anyway, that is what it is and it is how it must be; and I am
inextricably tied with it.
Please, drive and ride safe. If it is not for you, then, drive and
ride safe for the people who love you; or the life of a strangers—who is at
stake—and the people who love them.
There is no job that outweighs life for we can find other
jobs.
There is no dinnertime that outweighs life for we can arrange some
more.
There is no family-time that outweighs life for there is no
family-time if there is no life.
_______________________________________
_______________________________
_______________________________________
Dedicated to the life and
death of my dearest cousin,
Attias Pradipta,
May, 16th 1992
— March, 24th 2016,
Rest in Peace, Brother.
I’ll see you soon.
Skeptisisme dan Agnostisisme
Skeptisisme
Menurut KBBI, Skeptis berarti kurang percaya atau ragu-ragu, sedangkan skeptisisme, seperti kata-kata yang berakhiran –isme lainnya, adalah aliran atau paham yang selalu memandang sesuatu tidak pasti. Walaupun baru santer terdengar pada sekitar awal abad ke-17, sebenarnya, konsep dasarnya sudah ada sejak zaman Yunani kuno ketika Socrates menyatakan bahwa dia meragukan dirinya sendiri dan apa yang dia lihat. Konsep dan istilah ini dipopulerkan oleh Rene Descartes.
Descartes menyadari bahwa sejak dia kecil, banyak kepercayaannya yang ternyata salah. Dia mulai berpikir bagaimana jika apa yang dia percayai saat ini juga ternyata salah—dan dia belum menyadarinya. Sejak saat itu, dia ingin memastikan bahwa dia tidak berpijak pada sesuatu yang salah lagi, alhasil, dia meragukan semua kepercayaannya—sampai dia bisa yakin mengenai kebenarannya.
Analoginya adalah dia sedang memegang sekeranjang buah apel. Dalam keranjang itu, mungkin ada beberapa buah apel busuk yang bisa ‘menular’ ke apel lainnya, dia pun mulai memeriksa apelnya. Namun, mungkin juga apel yang berada di paling bawah keranjangnya juga busuk. Oleh karena itu, dia mengeluarkan semua apel dan memeriksa satu-satu sebelum memasukan kembali ke keranjangnya.
Awalnya, Descartes menginspeksi ulang semua hal sebelum masuk ke sistem kepercayaannya menggunakan metode empiris—sistem indra. Dia menyadari bahwa sangat mungkin ada kecacatan dalam metode empirisnya karena dia tidak selalu bisa memercayai kelima indranya tersebut. Banyak sekali kondisi eksternal dan internal yang dapat mengganggu dan memengaruhi indranya dalam memersepsikan rangsangan.
Keraguan Descartes berlanjut menjadi lebih radikal. Dia berpikir bagaimana jika semua yang dia percayai selama ini, semua persepsi yang dia miliki, semua pengalaman yang dia alami, dan semua pikirannya telah ditanam oleh sang “evil genius” yang menciptakan sebuah dunia khayalan yang takkan pernah terdeteksi kebenarannya.
Saat itu, dia meragukan semua hal, termasuk diri dan persepsinya sendiri. Namun, ada satu hal yang tidak dapat dia ragukan: keadaan bahwa dia sedang meragukan sesuatu. Pada momen itulah, Descartes menyadari bahwa ketika dia meragukan sesuatu, setidaknya dia merupakan sebuah entitas yang memiliki alat untuk berpikir.
Descartes mendeklarasikan pemikirannya tadi sebagai Cogito Ergo Sum (I think, therefore I am).
Tanggapan terhadap Skeptisisme
Seorang yang skeptis bukanlah orang yang meragukan segala sesuatu dan hanya diam hingga akhir hayatnya; skeptis bukan pula sebuah keputusan final bahwa suatu hal benar atau salah dan bernilai baik atau buruk. Seorang yang skeptis sangat menjunjung tinggi kebenaran, sehingga, dia selalu mempertimbangkan segala sesuatu menggunakan pelbagai kerangka berpikir.
Dalam dunia filsafat, ada dua kerangka berpikir untuk memahami hakikat kebenaran: empirisisme dan rasionalisme.
Menurut KBBI, empirisisme merupakan “aliran ilmu pengetahuan dan filsafat berdasarkan metode empiris; dan teori yang menyatakan bahwa semua pengetahuan didapat dari pengalaman”; sedangkan rasionalisme, merupakan “teori yang menganggap bahwa pikiran dan akal merupakan satu-satunya dasar untuk memecahkan permasalahan mengenai kebenaran yang lepas dari jangkauan indra; paham yang lebih mengutamakan kemampuan akal daripada emosi atau batin.”
Sebagaimana yang telah dijelaskan diatas, Descartes lebih memilih cara berpikir rasionalisme karena dia menyadari adanya keterbatasan-keterbatasan indra manusia. Namun, rasionalisme dinilai berpijak pada sesuatu yang bersifat abstrak dan metafisik, dan hal inilah yang kerap ditolak oleh orang-orang empiris-materialis yang hanya menerima ‘realitas’ sebagai sesuatu yang bisa dipersepsikan oleh indra.
Sekarang, pengertian keduanya (terutama rasionalisme) sudah semakin luas dan semakin banyak embel-embel yang ditambahkan sebelum dan sesudah istilah tersebut.
Walaupun kedua kerangka berpikir ini ada di dalam diri manusia yang seharusnya dapat memanfaatkan keduanya, perdebatan empirisisme dan rasionalisme kerap terjadi antara orang yang berpandangan dualisme, dan berpikir bahwa jika yang satu benar, maka yang satunya (harus) salah.
Bacaan lebih lanjut: Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy: Descartes’ Epistemology
Agnostisisme
Berdasarkan KBBI, agnostisisme merupakan “paham yang mempertahankan pendirian bahwa manusia itu kekurangan informasi atau kemampuan rasional untuk membuat pertimbangan tentang kebenaran tertinggi.” Dalam The Sage’s English Dictionary and Thesaurus, agnostisisme dimaknai sebagai penyangkalan atau skeptisisme terhadap eksistensi Tuhan.
Kaum agnostik yang ada di benakku adalah kaum esoteris yang menunda keputusan mereka; para pemikir yang masih menimbang-nimbang perspektif yang satu dengan yang lainnya; yang masih mencoba memahami metafisika dan narasi agung dari hakikat semesta.
Sayangnya, wajah agnostisisme yang aku lihat sekarang bukanlah merupakan sebuah paham yang skeptik terhadap eksistensi Tuhan, bukan pula paham dimana orang-orangnya terus belajar, mengkaji ilmu, dan mencari tahu kebenaran absolut. Kaum agnostik yang paling sering ‘muncul’ dan ‘berkoar-koar’ di media sosial dan forum-forum kontemporer adalah orang yang sangat sangat sangat yakin bahwa Tuhan itu tidak ada (ateis) dan yang malah menentang keberadaan Tuhan (anti-teis).
Selain itu, orang-orang agnostik ‘kekinian’ ini adalah orang yang sangat bersifat anti terhadap agama—terutama Islam. Seringkali aku mendapati akun-akun resmi atau pribadi yang ‘asal comot’ berita manapun—baik itu yang jelas sumbernya maupun hoax—mengenai segala sesuatu yang menggambarkan beberapa organisasi masyarakat yang melakukan pembubaran atas acara-acara perkumpulan Islam Syiah, komunitas LGBT, Ahmadiyah, dll.
Aku tidak tau secara pasti seperti apa acaranya dan bagaimana proses pembubarannya. Di sini, akupun tidak ingin menolak dan mengindahkan acara pembubaran tersebut. Namun, aku, selaku orang yang sudah belajar Analisis Wacana, cukup memahami bagaimana subjektifnya sebuah pemberitaan itu. Se-objektif apapun sebuah pemberitaan, kita tidak bisa terlepas dari bias. Bahkan, keputusan media atau perorangan untuk menampilan sebuah tulisan A daripada tulisan B pun dapat menunjukan bias, preferensi, maupun orientasi dan ideologi sosial-politik. Nyatanya, tulisan yang diterbitkan oleh akun agnostik resmi maupun perorangan itu adalah salah satu tulisan yang paling subjektif yang pernah aku baca (selain curhatan anak-anak SMA di laman Facebook), yang mengandung belasan kata sifat yang menunjukan luapan emosi. Setelah aku telusuri, beberapa berita tersebut, ternyata ditulis oleh pihak yang acaranya dibubarkan (pantas saja). Setelah itu, beramai-ramai, mereka—dengan menganggap berita itu sebagai fakta absolut—menghujat dan memberi keputusan final bahwa karena ormas Islam tersebut intoleran, agama Islam pun berarti intoleran.
Mereka paling suka menggunakan Kecacatan Berlogika atau Logical Fallacies (yang mereka dapat dari Google 5 menit sebelum mereka berteori) sebagai alat berargumentasi yang menunjukan betapa rasionalnya mereka, sebagai antitesis dari kaum beragama yang, menurut mereka, hanya bisa ‘percaya’.
Bukankah itu berarti Ad hominem ya apabila menyerang sebuah narasi besar hanya karena kepribadian atau karakteristik dari beberapa pemeluknya?
Beberapa orang agnostik yang kukenal atau kulihat berkata bahwa mereka tidak tahan melihat para teroris dan para kaum beragama yang berpikiran sangat sempit; yang melihat dunia sebagai suatu dikotomi hitam-putih.
Namun, topeng, wajah, dan persona mereka yang aku saksikan semakin mengarahkanku untuk berpikir bahwa orang-orang itu sama saja dengan para teroris fundamentalis yang sering melakukan aksi pemboman. Mereka menolak narasi, agenda, kepentingan, dan perspektif orang lain.
Mereka memilih untuk melihat dunia dengan melalui perspektif yang menurut mereka nyaman, atau mungkin berlindung dibaliknya; dan akhirnya, mereka menjadi orang yang mereka benci.
Aku ingat kata-kata Hermann Hesse yang sering didiskusikan dalam forum Behavior Psychology, bunyinya:
“If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What is not part of yourselves does not disturb you”.
Menurutku, padananya kira-kira:
Jika Anda membenci seseorang, sebenarnya Anda membenci bagian dari diri Anda yang terefleksi pada orang itu, karena jika tidak, Anda bahkan tak akan merasa terganggu.
________________________
_____________________
________________________
Tulisan ini pun tidak terbebas dari bias. Aku tidak mencantumkan beberapa sumber yang aku baca karena aku terlalu malas untuk membuka-buka lagi artikel atau buku yang telah kubaca beberapa minggu atau bulan yang lalu. Lagipula, blog ini bukanlah sebuah jurnal ilmiah.
Labels: Expository , In Indonesian , Philosophy