To me, one of the ultimate purposes in life is to find Happiness. Then, where can I find this happiness? Some say it resides in money, relationship, travelling, raising children, or simple things such as smoking while drinking coffee in the morning. I, however, do not think this is the case. Don’t get me wrong. Those are nice things, but to me, it is not a true Happiness since it will not last simply because human mind is so adaptable to changes—either good or bad ones.
Three to four years ago, I completely depended on public transportation. I was so broke; the money that I had was just enough for transportation and mineral water. I could not go places and all I knew was just the route from my home to campus. At that time, I said to myself that I would be happy and fulfilled if I had a bike and some money.
Let’s cut the long story short, I got some freelance jobs and then I had some money to buy a secondhand bike. I was so happy. Then, my ‘default state’ leveled up. After a while, I want more. I did not feel that happiness any longer. After that, I thought getting good grades would make me happy. Then, I got quite good grades. I was happy. Later, I felt empty inside. Then, I thought flirting with some cute girls would make me happy. When I did it, I was happy. Later, I felt empty inside again. I would either want something more or something else.
If I won a hundred million Rupiah lottery, I would buy a Jet Ski and be so happy. After a while, my happiness level would go up to a new ‘default state’. In a few months, after riding that Jet Ski a hundred times, I probably would get bored and forget the happiness when I won the lottery and the Jet Ski—like my bike. Let’s say that a year later, I got robbed, lost the Jet Ski, and ended up becoming a bum. I was so depressed. My ‘default state’ would go down. Then, in a random day, I found 15.000 Rupiah on the street. I would be so happy, and then I bought some food. The next day, I would feel empty inside again and a voice in my head would ask, ‘I want more!' or 'Now what?’
I realized that I am trapped in a crazy loop, and I have to find a more permanent source of Happiness—yes, the one with capital H.
It may seem that I am very hard to please.
To be frank, I felt happy when I was in a relationship; in an amusement park when I got on some rides that pump my adrenaline; when I was hanging out with my friends; also, over small things such as watching movies, reading books, having an ice cream, and having silly random conversations about things like, ‘what is your favorite color?’, ‘What do you fear the most?’, or ‘What kind of death do you prefer?’.
However, then, I always felt empty inside when I went home after those activities. To be precise, it is shortly after I mumbled, ‘That was fun!’
"Happiness seems to be a fountain of youth. They spend all their time searching for it. They leave their houses not knowing that their time is running out…"
When I was alone at home after boosted by one of those pills of excitements, a voice in my head would ask for something more or something else. It is crazy how it craves more and more ‘pills’. It is as if I was a drug addict and my mind kept screaming, “I want more! I want more! Give me more!” and then, if I could not get what it wanted, I would have a withdraw syndrome. Then, I felt sad or even depressed.
That is why many people would find a shortcut for stimulation like drug, alcohol, cigarette, porn, confirmation on social media, boyfriend/ girlfriend, and many more. These types of people would have a roller-coaster mood swing. They would be happy and then sad in a short period of time. You may have a friend, girlfriend, or boyfriend, who grumbles on social media because he/she felt that nobody was around when he/she is depressed as if everybody is responsible for his/her happiness. Yet, he/she thinks they are responsible.
That is currently what happens to a majority of people—sometimes, I am included.
"In front of a genie, a bum wished for a great job, big mansion, a beautiful wife, and cute kids (Yes, he got 4 wishes, this is different lamp). He got that. One day his wife took the kids to go shopping. Five hours later, they had not come back. He wondered what if his wife met a cool guy and cheated with him; what if someone kidnapped his kid; what if they got robbed. Then, He got a heart attack."
Where is It?
As long as I live, I thought Happiness is outside while, in fact, it is inside my mind. There is nothing outside that can make me happy and fulfilled in the long run.
From my readings, one of the ways to unhook the monkeys on our back is by self-isolation for one or two hours, or more. What I meant is by unplugging all sources of stimulation. Then, try to be still and comfortable. We should notice how our mind reacts on this. Within minutes, it would create a withdraw syndrome. It is like treating a drug addict, in a way.
Being aware is very important since only a few people can even understand this. Then, we might need to do self-affirmation, meditation, and contemplation so that we can be more aware of the now and have an attitude of gratitude.
There are many steps ahead that you need to know. You may want to know the science of it by researching on neurotransmitter and Dopamine something. Yet, this is not a Self-Help post. Go help yourself!
Now, I might seem like a monk who does not need money, friends, girlfriends, and other worldly things. Of course not, in fact I want that all. I am suggesting a less neurotic kind of life, though. In social context, I think it would be nice to be firstly happy inside, so that instead of intoxicating other people’s mood, we can be positive or at least be neutral to others. Moreover, I think it is great to be happy without external stimulation.
Also, keep in mind that I am not promoting being emotionless.
If in the left side we have someone with Bipolar Disorder and in the right side we have a Psychopath monster, it would be great to be somewhere in a middle; a stable human being who understands his/her emotion; a human being who looks.
"Happiness seems to be a fountain of youth. They spend all their time searching for it. They leave their houses not knowing that their time is running out. In their deathbed, they regret and mumble, “It is here all along”."
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I am not writing fact here. This is merely my story and it may be right as it may be wrong. Maybe money is the ultimate Happiness, or boyfriend/ girlfriend, or career, or a Jet Ski, or watching movies, or reading books. I don't know. Maybe.
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