Happiness with the Capital H

To me, one of the ultimate purposes in life is to find Happiness. Then, where can I find this happiness? Some say it resides in money, relationship, travelling, raising children, or simple things such as smoking while drinking coffee in the morning.  I, however, do not think this is the case. Don’t get me wrong. Those are nice things, but to me, it is not a true Happiness since it will not last simply because human mind is so adaptable to changes—either good or bad ones.

Three to four years ago, I completely depended on public transportation. I was so broke; the money that I had was just enough for transportation and mineral water. I could not go places and all I knew was just the route from my home to campus. At that time, I said to myself that I would be happy and fulfilled if I had a bike and some money.

Let’s cut the long story short, I got some freelance jobs and then I had some money to buy a secondhand bike. I was so happy. Then, my ‘default state’ leveled up. After a while, I want more. I did not feel that happiness any longer. After that, I thought getting good grades would make me happy. Then, I got quite good grades. I was happy. Later, I felt empty inside. Then, I thought flirting with some cute girls would make me happy. When I did it, I was happy. Later, I felt empty inside again. I would either want something more or something else.

If I won a hundred million Rupiah lottery, I would buy a Jet Ski and be so happy. After a while, my happiness level would go up to a new ‘default state’. In a few months, after riding that Jet Ski a hundred times, I probably would get bored and forget the happiness when I won the lottery and the Jet Ski—like my bike. Let’s say that a year later, I got robbed, lost the Jet Ski, and ended up becoming a bum. I was so depressed. My ‘default state’ would go down. Then, in a random day, I found 15.000 Rupiah on the street. I would be so happy, and then I bought some food. The next day, I would feel empty inside again and a voice in my head would ask, ‘I want more!' or 'Now what?’

I realized that I am trapped in a crazy loop, and I have to find a more permanent source of Happiness—yes, the one with capital H.

It may seem that I am very hard to please.

To be frank, I felt happy when I was in a relationship; in an amusement park when I got on some rides that pump my adrenaline; when I was hanging out with my friends; also, over small things such as watching movies, reading books, having an ice cream, and having silly random conversations about things like, ‘what is your favorite color?’, ‘What do you fear the most?’, or ‘What kind of death do you prefer?’.

However, then, I always felt empty inside when I went home after those activities. To be precise, it is shortly after I mumbled, ‘That was fun!’

"Happiness seems to be a fountain of youth. They spend all their time searching for it. They leave their houses not knowing that their time is running out…" 

 When I was alone at home after boosted by one of those pills of excitements, a voice in my head would ask for something more or something else. It is crazy how it craves more and more ‘pills’. It is as if I was a drug addict and my mind kept screaming, “I want more! I want more! Give me more!” and then, if I could not get what it wanted, I would have a withdraw syndrome. Then, I felt sad or even depressed.

That is why many people would find a shortcut for stimulation like drug, alcohol, cigarette, porn, confirmation on social media, boyfriend/ girlfriend, and many more. These types of people would have a roller-coaster mood swing. They would be happy and then sad in a short period of time. You may have a friend, girlfriend, or boyfriend, who grumbles on social media because he/she felt that nobody was around when he/she is depressed as if everybody is responsible for his/her happiness. Yet, he/she thinks they are responsible. 

That is currently what happens to a majority of people—sometimes, I am included.

"In front of a genie, a bum wished for a great job, big mansion, a beautiful wife, and cute kids (Yes, he got 4 wishes, this is different lamp). He got that. One day his wife took the kids to go shopping. Five hours later, they had not come back. He wondered what if his wife met a cool guy and cheated with him; what if someone kidnapped his kid; what if they got robbed. Then, He got a heart attack."

Where is It?

As long as I live, I thought Happiness is outside while, in fact, it is inside my mind. There is nothing outside that can make me happy and fulfilled in the long run. 

From my readings, one of the ways to unhook the monkeys on our back is by self-isolation for one or two hours, or more. What I meant is by unplugging all sources of stimulation. Then, try to be still and comfortable. We should notice how our mind reacts on this. Within minutes, it would create a withdraw syndrome. It is like treating a drug addict, in a way. 

Being aware is very important since only a few people can even understand this. Then, we might need to do self-affirmation, meditation, and contemplation so that we can be more aware of the now and have an attitude of gratitude.

There are many steps ahead that you need to know. You may want to know the science of it by researching on neurotransmitter and Dopamine something. Yet, this is not a Self-Help post. Go help yourself! 

Now, I might seem like a monk who does not need money, friends, girlfriends, and other worldly things. Of course not, in fact I want that all. I am suggesting a less neurotic kind of life, though. In social context, I think it would be nice to be firstly happy inside, so that instead of intoxicating other people’s mood, we can be positive or at least be neutral to others.  Moreover, I think it is great to be happy without external stimulation.

Also, keep in mind that I am not promoting being emotionless. 

If in the left side we have someone with Bipolar Disorder and in the right side we have a Psychopath monster, it would be great to be somewhere in a middle; a stable human being who understands his/her emotion; a human being who looks.

"Happiness seems to be a fountain of youth. They spend all their time searching for it. They leave their houses not knowing that their time is running out. In their deathbed, they regret and mumble, “It is here all along”."

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I am not writing fact here. This is merely my story and it may be right as it may be wrong. Maybe money is the ultimate Happiness, or boyfriend/ girlfriend, or career, or a Jet Ski, or  watching movies, or reading books. I don't know. Maybe.

On Life

On Life

Currently, I spend more of my time on the road rather than on the actual working. It is actually better, though, since I could have wasted more time on the road if I had worked at one of the companies or institutions that I applied before. Anyway, I am used to it.

Yes, I am used to all the hustle and bustle on the road. To me, there is no noise anymore; it has been the music orchestrated to background my day. It has been my routine. Even, now, I feel that my involuntary system does all the riding while I am wondering in some strange land of imagination and contemplation.

To me, the road—especially that I crossed almost every day—has made people less humane. They pace up their bikes or cars like a madman. It is a normality to see someone fall from their bikes or get hit by a car, or bus. I do not know why they risk their life; I cannot comprehend why they sacrifice their life, for what? It may be to be on time to work, which leads me to ask further questions on the reason why they are always in hurry or why they are always in the oh-my-god-I-will-be-late state of situation.

It is so difficult to make a U-turn without constant fear that some madman would hit me from the back, or any sides. The road and routines have robbed the humanity out of human. I see nothing but robots instead of good loving fathers, mothers, husbands, wives, brothers, sisters, children, or cousins.

Then, suddenly, I got a message that my cousin—who is also my best friend since childhood—dies in a bike crash. Yes, he dies; not died nor passed away; he dies! The death is not the past; it never stops haunting me. For other people, it maybe just some news like, “Honey, I saw a man die today. He was so young, I feel so sorry for him. Anyway, where is my dinner?”

It is not like that for me even though I cannot do anything more than what those random people do.

That is the reality screaming at my face that life matters. Yes, life matters! Not only the life of my cousin or people who I know or love, but also every other life of people who is a complete stranger to me.

Even though it seems natural, it is so egotistical, though, to think that one’s life is more important than others’; even to think that my mother’s life is more important than my neighbor’s mother’s life. 

Anyway, that is what it is and it is how it must be; and I am inextricably tied with it.

Please, drive and ride safe. If it is not for you, then, drive and ride safe for the people who love you; or the life of a strangers—who is at stake—and the people who love them.

There is no job that outweighs life for we can find other jobs. 

There is no dinnertime that outweighs life for we can arrange some more. 

There is no family-time that outweighs life for there is no family-time if there is no life.

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Dedicated to the life and death of my dearest cousin,

Attias Pradipta,

May, 16^th 1992 — March, 24^th 2016,

Rest in Peace, Brother. I’ll see you soon.

Skeptisisme dan Agnostisisme

Skeptisisme 

Menurut KBBI, Skeptis berarti kurang percaya atau ragu-ragu, sedangkan skeptisisme, seperti kata-kata yang berakhiran –isme lainnya, adalah aliran atau paham yang selalu memandang sesuatu tidak pasti. Walaupun baru santer terdengar pada sekitar awal abad ke-17, sebenarnya, konsep dasarnya sudah ada sejak zaman Yunani kuno ketika Socrates menyatakan bahwa dia meragukan dirinya sendiri dan apa yang dia lihat. Konsep dan istilah ini dipopulerkan oleh Rene Descartes.

Descartes menyadari bahwa sejak dia kecil, banyak kepercayaannya yang ternyata salah. Dia mulai berpikir bagaimana jika apa yang dia percayai saat ini juga ternyata salah—dan dia belum menyadarinya. Sejak saat itu, dia ingin memastikan bahwa dia tidak berpijak pada sesuatu yang salah lagi, alhasil, dia meragukan semua kepercayaannya—sampai dia bisa yakin mengenai kebenarannya.

Analoginya adalah dia sedang memegang sekeranjang buah apel. Dalam keranjang itu, mungkin ada beberapa buah apel busuk yang bisa ‘menular’ ke apel lainnya, dia pun mulai memeriksa apelnya. Namun, mungkin juga apel yang berada di paling bawah keranjangnya juga busuk. Oleh karena itu, dia mengeluarkan semua apel dan memeriksa satu-satu sebelum memasukan kembali ke keranjangnya.

Awalnya, Descartes menginspeksi ulang semua hal sebelum masuk ke sistem kepercayaannya menggunakan metode empiris—sistem indra. Dia menyadari bahwa sangat mungkin ada kecacatan dalam metode empirisnya karena dia tidak selalu bisa memercayai kelima indranya tersebut. Banyak sekali kondisi eksternal dan internal yang dapat mengganggu dan memengaruhi indranya dalam memersepsikan rangsangan.

Keraguan Descartes berlanjut menjadi lebih radikal. Dia berpikir bagaimana jika semua yang dia percayai selama ini, semua persepsi yang dia miliki, semua pengalaman yang dia alami, dan semua pikirannya telah ditanam oleh sang “evil genius” yang menciptakan sebuah dunia khayalan yang takkan pernah terdeteksi kebenarannya. 

Saat itu, dia meragukan semua hal, termasuk diri dan persepsinya sendiri. Namun, ada satu hal yang tidak dapat dia ragukan: keadaan bahwa dia sedang meragukan sesuatu. Pada momen itulah, Descartes menyadari bahwa ketika dia meragukan sesuatu, setidaknya dia merupakan sebuah entitas yang memiliki alat untuk berpikir.

Descartes mendeklarasikan pemikirannya tadi sebagai Cogito Ergo Sum (I think, therefore I am).

Tanggapan terhadap Skeptisisme

Seorang yang skeptis bukanlah orang yang meragukan segala sesuatu dan hanya diam hingga akhir hayatnya; skeptis bukan pula sebuah keputusan final bahwa suatu hal benar atau salah dan bernilai baik atau buruk. Seorang yang skeptis sangat menjunjung tinggi kebenaran, sehingga, dia selalu mempertimbangkan segala sesuatu menggunakan pelbagai kerangka berpikir.

 

Dalam dunia filsafat, ada dua kerangka berpikir untuk memahami hakikat kebenaran: empirisisme dan rasionalisme.

Menurut KBBI, empirisisme merupakan “aliran ilmu pengetahuan dan filsafat berdasarkan metode empiris; dan teori yang menyatakan bahwa semua pengetahuan didapat dari pengalaman”; sedangkan rasionalisme, merupakan “teori yang menganggap bahwa pikiran dan akal merupakan satu-satunya dasar untuk memecahkan permasalahan mengenai kebenaran yang lepas dari jangkauan indra; paham yang lebih mengutamakan kemampuan akal daripada emosi atau batin.”

Sebagaimana yang telah dijelaskan diatas, Descartes lebih memilih cara berpikir rasionalisme karena dia menyadari adanya keterbatasan-keterbatasan indra manusia. Namun, rasionalisme dinilai berpijak pada sesuatu yang bersifat abstrak dan metafisik, dan hal inilah yang kerap ditolak oleh orang-orang empiris-materialis yang hanya menerima ‘realitas’ sebagai sesuatu yang bisa dipersepsikan oleh indra.

Sekarang, pengertian keduanya (terutama rasionalisme) sudah semakin luas dan semakin banyak embel-embel yang ditambahkan sebelum dan sesudah istilah tersebut.

Walaupun kedua kerangka berpikir ini ada di dalam diri manusia yang seharusnya dapat memanfaatkan keduanya, perdebatan empirisisme dan rasionalisme kerap terjadi antara orang yang berpandangan dualisme, dan berpikir bahwa jika yang satu benar, maka yang satunya (harus) salah.

Bacaan lebih lanjut: Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy: Descartes’ Epistemology

Agnostisisme

Berdasarkan KBBI, agnostisisme merupakan “paham yang mempertahankan pendirian bahwa manusia itu kekurangan informasi atau kemampuan rasional untuk membuat pertimbangan tentang kebenaran tertinggi.” Dalam The Sage’s English Dictionary and Thesaurus, agnostisisme dimaknai sebagai penyangkalan atau skeptisisme terhadap eksistensi Tuhan.

Kaum agnostik yang ada di benakku adalah kaum esoteris yang menunda keputusan mereka; para pemikir yang masih menimbang-nimbang perspektif yang satu dengan yang lainnya; yang masih mencoba memahami metafisika dan narasi agung dari hakikat semesta. 

Sayangnya, wajah agnostisisme yang aku lihat sekarang bukanlah merupakan sebuah paham yang skeptik terhadap eksistensi Tuhan, bukan pula paham dimana orang-orangnya terus belajar, mengkaji ilmu, dan mencari tahu kebenaran absolut. Kaum agnostik yang paling sering ‘muncul’ dan ‘berkoar-koar’ di media sosial dan forum-forum kontemporer adalah orang yang sangat sangat sangat yakin bahwa Tuhan itu tidak ada (ateis) dan yang malah menentang keberadaan Tuhan (anti-teis). 

Selain itu, orang-orang agnostik ‘kekinian’ ini adalah orang yang sangat bersifat anti terhadap agama—terutama Islam. Seringkali aku mendapati akun-akun resmi atau pribadi yang ‘asal comot’ berita manapun—baik itu yang jelas sumbernya maupun hoax—mengenai segala sesuatu yang menggambarkan beberapa organisasi masyarakat yang melakukan pembubaran atas acara-acara perkumpulan Islam Syiah, komunitas LGBT, Ahmadiyah, dll.

 

Aku tidak tau secara pasti seperti apa acaranya dan bagaimana proses pembubarannya. Di sini, akupun tidak ingin menolak dan mengindahkan acara pembubaran tersebut. Namun, aku, selaku orang yang sudah belajar Analisis Wacana, cukup memahami bagaimana subjektifnya sebuah pemberitaan itu. Se-objektif apapun sebuah pemberitaan, kita tidak bisa terlepas dari bias. Bahkan, keputusan media atau perorangan untuk menampilan sebuah tulisan A daripada tulisan B pun dapat menunjukan bias, preferensi, maupun orientasi dan ideologi sosial-politik. Nyatanya, tulisan yang diterbitkan oleh akun agnostik resmi maupun perorangan itu adalah salah satu tulisan yang paling subjektif yang pernah aku baca (selain curhatan anak-anak SMA di laman Facebook), yang mengandung belasan kata sifat yang menunjukan luapan emosi. Setelah aku telusuri, beberapa berita tersebut, ternyata ditulis oleh pihak yang acaranya dibubarkan (pantas saja). Setelah itu, beramai-ramai, mereka—dengan menganggap berita itu sebagai fakta absolut—menghujat dan memberi keputusan final bahwa karena ormas Islam tersebut intoleran, agama Islam pun berarti intoleran. 

Mereka paling suka menggunakan Kecacatan Berlogika atau Logical Fallacies (yang mereka dapat dari Google 5 menit sebelum mereka berteori) sebagai alat berargumentasi yang menunjukan betapa rasionalnya mereka, sebagai antitesis dari kaum beragama yang, menurut mereka, hanya bisa ‘percaya’.

Bukankah itu berarti Ad hominem ya apabila menyerang sebuah narasi besar hanya karena kepribadian atau karakteristik dari beberapa pemeluknya?

Beberapa orang agnostik yang kukenal atau kulihat berkata bahwa mereka tidak tahan melihat para teroris dan para kaum beragama yang berpikiran sangat sempit; yang melihat dunia sebagai suatu dikotomi hitam-putih. 

Namun, topeng, wajah, dan persona mereka yang aku saksikan semakin mengarahkanku untuk berpikir bahwa orang-orang itu sama saja dengan para teroris fundamentalis yang sering melakukan aksi pemboman. Mereka menolak narasi, agenda, kepentingan, dan perspektif orang lain. 

Mereka memilih untuk melihat dunia dengan melalui perspektif yang menurut mereka nyaman, atau mungkin berlindung dibaliknya; dan akhirnya, mereka menjadi orang yang mereka benci.

Aku ingat kata-kata Hermann Hesse yang sering didiskusikan dalam forum Behavior Psychology, bunyinya: 

“If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What is not part of yourselves does not disturb you”.

Menurutku,  padananya kira-kira: 

Jika Anda membenci seseorang, sebenarnya Anda membenci bagian dari diri Anda yang terefleksi pada orang itu, karena jika tidak, Anda bahkan tak akan merasa terganggu. 

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Tulisan ini pun tidak terbebas dari bias. Aku tidak mencantumkan beberapa sumber yang aku baca karena aku terlalu malas untuk membuka-buka lagi artikel atau buku yang telah kubaca beberapa minggu atau bulan yang lalu. Lagipula, blog ini bukanlah sebuah jurnal ilmiah.