“Be with the person who loves you instead of with the one whom you love.”
That is a quote I have met frequently in most of romance stories. I have been reading a great deal of stories in my life, yet most of the stories tended to orient my subconscious into a thought that the best and easiest relationship is the one in which I am loved by a particular person.
“If she loves you, you just have to wait and let your heart get used to it.”
This is one of myriad comments and opinions from my friends concerning relationship that inject me with the thought of letting my conscious mind be as selfless as possible.
I have been trying to do that, being selfless. Well, it is actually a selfless thought to make other people happy simply by letting her love me while at the same time, I am trying to override my Id who always demand gratification.
I could have been a very happy person if I can implement that thought into my life.
I have someone with whom I feel overwhelmed. I am a frigid who is overwhelmed by the constancy of her warmth and unconditional love. The problem, however, is that I do not love her, I love another person; the person with whom I feel complete; comfortable; and pleased.
I am falling in love with a person whom I do not even know whether she loves me or not. I am the night who falls in love with the dawn who vanishes me. I am an economist who invests all my possessions into something dubious. I may be the most stupid person in this world, yet I am sure I am one of many people who feel the simple pleasure of pursuing my own heart.
I am an egoist and nonchalant person who do not think of another person’s feeling—not even mine.
I do not care if this feeling was my undoing.
I do not care if this feeling tore me into pieces.
I love you as I recite the last poem for you in the moment between I see a guillotine, until I see you throw my head away.
H.
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