The Right and The Wrong

Wrong Behind The Right and Right Behind The Wrong

I would always remembered that thing. It was happened when I was in school, I was alienated, excluded by most of the women that I thought will be the figures of a good woman. They were indeed a good person, a good moslem. Unlike me, those women wore big veil that covered them till the knee. Besides, they spent most of their time by staying at the mosque routinely, and reciting Koran. I wanted to be like them, but every time I came and tried to get along with them, they treated me as if I were not exist. Some looked at me as though I were something disgusting. Well, i knew that I was not a good moslem yet. I just wanted to explore myself first, I wanted to define whether something was good or bad, I still wanted to wear many kinds of hairpins, hats, and another accessories on my hair. I knew that they were much better than me, they kept walking on the straight path, but there are things that changed how I looked at them. Why should they look at me so disgustingly? Why should they not talk to me?

On Friday, the girls in the class were gathered to attend the 'womanhood'. it was an activity in which the girls were taught by the seniors to be a good women, about how to behave, how to face the men, etc. That day, there was a game, it was like a quiz, and those who answered the question correctly, would deserve a present. when the question was asked, immediately most of us raised our hand, and the seniors would choose a girl to answer the question, but until the seventh question, I felt strange that they had never pointed me. Meanwhile, one of my classmates, Ani had already got two prizes. It was clear in the next question, it was quite difficult to be answered, but I knew the answer, eventually I raised my hand, and shortly after me, Ani raised her hand too. How startled I was as they pointed Ani, instead of me, the first to raise hand.

The things that astonished me most was when Ani and the seniors said in a very loud voice that the women who does not cover up her aurat is like a walking-genital. I was flabbergasted to hear such a delicate women like them capable of pronouncing those kind of words so loudly. They did not care a pin to those who did not wear veil, or the non-moslems who might hear it.

As far as I know, Islam teaches us to be nice to each other, and to tolerate the differences. Can it be said as toleration?

One day, at the classroom, when Ani and her friends were chatting with her friend, I was still copying the chunks of the Koran verses because I could not write it fast, moreover there were many mistakes I made, and the worse thing was that I forgot taking my eraser, so that I tried to borrow one from Ani, but when I asked her, she did not even listen to me. At that time, I was full of rage and finally exploded. As I slapped the table, I said "Hey! What's your problem? Have I ever done something bad to you? Do I offend you?". After that i just left without hearing all her excuses. I went to my grandma's house for about a month to get a refreshing.

I knew that they did not want to be my friend or even to gt around with me because I was not looked like them. I did not wear veil.The ones that regarded themselves 'perfect' will only get around with another perfect person. Well, I did not mind if everyone excluded me. I just wanted to be myself. I wanted to wear veil when I am ready, rather than when I am afraid to lose my friends. Overall, someday I would get bored with myself at this way and then I would find the symbolic meaning of a veil. At that time, I will be wearing veil all the time. For me, it is better than some people who wore veil occasionally. They put their veil off when they were with their boyfriend, or when they hanged out. Actually, it reminded me of an old story:

There was a man who killed 99 people. One day, he almost killed an ustadz, the ustadz told him something that made the man's eyes wet, he finally forswear. Then the ustadz asked him to go to a mosque that was so far away, and the man died in his way to mosque. It is purportedly that the man was directly sent to the heaven.

That story made me think how if the man killed a person  and then he forswear, and the next day he murdered another person, then he exclaimed his repentance, and it happened continually until he killed ten people. Will he be sentenced to heaven? He killed less than the man in that old story, besides, he exclaimed his repentance more than once.

There was also another story when a religious teacher tried doing bad thing for once, but, in his astray way, he died. It was said that he was sentenced to the hell.

Life is like a coconut that fall from the tree, it is unpredictable. It may fall as a seed, as it is still green, as it is ripe, or when it is ripe. However, that makes life more interesting, when we faced he challenges in our path. I might die when I am not wearing a veil, but I will not regret it, I have chosen.

Now I am here in my classroom, doing the national test, but I do not see Ani in the classroom either it is in the first, second, or the last day. I fancy she is not going on well. However, how shocked I am when I heard that she has been dropped out because of her pregnancy.

Several days later, my mother and I were in a market for a monthly expenditure. In that scorching day, I encounter Ani who is still in her usual proud style. I came to her and said "I knew I am neither holy nor pure person like you, but at least I can still maintain my honor. My Islam is inside of me, not merely in my appearance", and I leave her right away.

If I were a teacher who is teaching in my class, but then one of my students kept looking at something outside the classroom all the time, instead of forcing him to pay attention in my class, I will ask him to go out my class, let him check what was there in the outside, and soon he will comeback to my class and follow my lesson in focus.

However, there always a possibility that the student does not comeback, and prefer being in the outside, anyway, life is choice.