The Sixth Semester's Virtues

The fifth semester has passed and now in the void, I am looking forward to the next semester. Glancing over my shoulder, it was just like yesterday I anchored and stepped on the shore in the new land of the fifth semester with all the things reminisced me about the virtues I got in the forth one, when I performed a drama with the people I love.

Sometimes, time moves so fast that I cannot even aware of the things which suddenly become my history that then go hand in hand with me moving on to another phase of my life. Time, the ghastly unseen thing that devours all of my past, escorts me to my future, and gnaws my presents.

Time, in this semester is then leaving me with the happy tears and the discovering of myself. I was about to cry when I, along with my trusted friends created a musical drama from the very zero to a succesfull one. It was really amazing to see my imagination which was merely an utopian mirage, with all the goods and bads, ups and downs, and all others problems and conflicts, is acted nicely. 

The problems, conflicts, and all the things I hated, turn out to be the stepping-stones that bring me to the higher level of personality. I never even thought of speaking in front of many people, directed people, or trained people. In short, I did not have any leader ability. However, through those problems, although many people would judge me wrong. I should be able to. Those things simply and solely shaped me into what I am today. 

-Thank you all my friends-

The Reunion

I was here, standing under the flickering stars and the silver moon, surrounded by the smooth wind smiling at my emptiness. I used to be here, wielding the light to reunite the pieces of the divine inspirations and unanswered questions scattered all over my darkened soul, and my hazy eyes.

I looked into the boundless dark of the night where I could find all what I wanted to find in my life, only the way to find it remains a secret. But I kept looking at it, although there was no light except the endless darkness. The wind greeted me with her firm embrace, danced by the nape of my neck, and my ears as if she tried to whisper something to me. But she was so smooth, and my superficiality could not catch any of her omens.

I was still here, as a child who wanted to regain his pure heart and thoughts, to befriended and spoke with the nature, the smooth wind, the boundless night, the flickering stars, and the silver moon, like we used to. These days, they did not speak to me anymore, or maybe my conscience was so overwhelmed with the profane turmoil so I could not catch or hear the omens.

It was midnight, I went home with all the slackness like a lonely captain amid the sea of nowhere who loses his compass, and crews. 

I closed my eyes, and soon flew to a place in which I was like in a glass unable to do anything, but see, smell, and hear everything vaguely. Suddenly, the smooth wind came and whispered to my ears "now you can see the inevitable."

...and I was waken up by the gold sunshine from the gap of my curtain.

The Snowflakes

As usual, I fell slowly from the majestic winter sky and scattered around on the ground, covered all the green meadow with my white blanket. By the warmth of the sunlight, I then melted into a tranquil water which flowed down every inch of the rocky slopes, be the source of life for all the living things.

I always thought that my routine life was neither happy, nor sad. It was just nothing, like the void of the dark night sky.

One day, When I fell down from the majestic sky, a little innocent girl gathered, and made me a happy snowman, she even gave me a hat and a scarf. Day by day, the little girl came and played with me who soon thought that my existence a little more meaningful than a mere scattered snowflake. I felt myself the most happiest snowflake among other ordinary snow. 

One day, there are seven delinquents came around me, some of them grinned at me, I didn't understand why were those people suddenly kicked me, pinched me, and some of them even tore my body apart with a snowboard while laughing and running to and fro.

Soon, I was scattered around on the ground, incapable of doing anything except lying helplessly down there. The little innocent girl had already made me forgot many things, one of the thing is being alone.. I forgot the feeling of scattered down, cold and having no friends.

When the little girl came, I saw her collecting every snowflakes to make a new snowman, but.. not me. The little girl did not even look at me, she raised and gathered the other snowflakes in tears and left me down here, trampled by the pedestrians. She took my hat and scarf, and gave it to her new snowman.

I have never felt this feeling before, and I cannot describe it. It is just hurt... and now, every year, I have to pass through a long frozen winter and feel this pain in every sound of ticking clock..

Promises

Promise.. A hero says that promise is responsibility. He does anything not because of money, popularity, or power, but merely because his faithful promise to his nation.

Promise.. A little boy says that promise is doing what he has said he would do.

Promise.. A loving man says that promise is making his beloved always happy by his side.

Promise.. A lost traveler says that promise is a light that makes him struggle even in a worst situation to find the way back home.

Promise.. A disappointed man says that promise is a thing that should not have been uttered unless it is kept.

 

Promise.. A responsible father said that promise is the one that makes him back to the very chaotic situation in his home.

Promise.. It is like the sun that promises the earth that he will always come from the east, and recessed in the west. The entire earth is a little girl who waits for the moment of sunrise in the east, and the sunset in the west. The sun will always keep his promise, because he knows, breaking his promise will break the heart of the little girl.

Promise.. it is the chain that links our heart, once you broke your promise, you broke the chain, and you broke my heart too.

An Analogy of Love

When you love someone, you are flying with tens balloons in your hand. You will fly, higher... higher... until a certain height. You can see the anything differently from that new perspective. Clouds which become the ornaments of the blue sky as a flock of white sheep in the blue meadow that are delicately grazed by the tender hand of the unseen. The beautiful sun which exotically plays with its golden hair that is awake, and asleep in the horizon. Everything will be more beautiful than ever.

However, there will be a time that your hand will be tired, or the balloon will burst at certain height, and by that time, you will fall into the ground, the very same place where you start, but with the pain of falling. 

The longer you hold the balloon, the higher you will fly. The higher you fly, the more pain you will feel when you fall. The longer you hold the balloon, the more pain you will get from the falling.

By loving, you will surely always feel pain, either it is at the beginning, in the middle, or at the end of the moment. There will always be a separation within the loving people, either it is in the form of divorcement, or death.

Finally, everyone you love, will merely be the one you used to love. At that time, there is no other things you can do, but to wait, waiting for the time to do his magnificent task, to make all the weary nostalgia evaporate to the sky, to be a vapor which later will fall as drizzle that will wash away your grief.

The love that makes you cry in happiness, is the same love that makes you cry in sadness...

Quote of the Day

I get home at 10 p.m.  

What a tiring day, as usual. I will be sleeping by 11 p.m., and waking up at 4 a.m, doing all the overwhelming assignments.

Those are my routines, but I don't know why I never felt bored with these routines, because in every routine, there is always something new.

This afternoon I learnt a new thing about being a leader. I remember a quote, if I am not wrong, the quote is like this:

If you want to be a tall tree, you will have to be used to with the wind. The taller you are, the more windy you will feel, and if you don't want to be struck by the wind, don't be a tall tree - (Pramoedya Ananta)

This is what I learnt today, I realize how hard it is to be a leader, to have a power. Once you make a mistake, it will be exposed.

I am a leader of myself indeed, and every time I make a mistake, the other parts of me will get the consequences, I will be haunted by the guilt. Maybe I will be a real leader someday, and by that time, I am sure that I will have learnt many things about being a leader, making mistakes, and fixing them.

Making mistake, and finding that it was a mistake. Life lies between those two things.

Good night.

Aim of Life: A Simple Conversation

I really don't have any idea about what is going to happen in my life. For these weeks, everything turns unpredictable. The time has lighted some dark corners in my surroundings that previously have not been seen, and strung up by itself into a plausible anomaly.

A few days ago, a crazy thought from a weirdo has made me contemplate with myself for days.

That was started in the evening when I went home with him. I asked him the reason why he ruined his own life (academically), and the things he was up to. He simply answered that he was in some sort of dilemma. In the one hand he wanted to be free, and in the other hand, he was surrounded by college and life's responsibilities.

By that time I asked him, " What is the meaning of freedom?".

He simply said, "Freedom is happiness, it is doing anything what I want, unlike attending the classes, doing the assignments, and following what others do".

Then I said, "I think all people never really can be free if you define freedom like that. I am doing the routines of life, yet I am happy. I always feel the freedom in the middle of the routines".

"Everybody wants freedom, don't they?", and then he added, "Do you wanna be in a jail?".

"I am talking about freedom in thought, not literally. Everybody won't ever get the freedom in here. They, including us will always be a slave, a slave of the routines life, a slave of the things we have to do. You are old enough to think of your future! If you haven't, at least you can think of what your parents think if you failed". I said.

He paused for a moment, and then inquired me another things, "You are so active. What is the aim of your life anyway?"

"I don't know. I don't even know what I am going to be. I don't know what is my skill. I don't know what I am capable of doing", after a moment of thinking, I spoke up, "Yeah that is why I come for almost all of the classes. Maybe I can find out what I am capable of".

"Don't you wanna be a free person like me? or being a rich people?. I think being a rich man is freedom".

"No, I don't think so. I think being rich is more enslaving, you have another thing to be worried about. I read a novel, it says that the free people are the vagabond. They don't have to think of their possessions since they don't have any. They don't have to think of their responsibility to the society. They can go anywhere because they don't have any house to think of. Just think of the 'here' and the 'now'. Isn't it freedom?".

"Yeah you are right" he whispered. "I am wondering why you so concern with my study? I mean, what is the good for you if I succeed or fail?", he inquired.

"That is the purpose of my life that I know. I just wanna be useful for others. Doing a favor for others. I mean, that is the most plausible and simple goals I can define. If I wanted to be rich, living in a happy marriage with a beautiful wife and nice children, I will always want more. anyway, I may lose them all. Those things may be taken away from me anytime. My house, my wife, children. So being useful to other is more achievable for me".

"You mean putting your head under someone else foot?", he asked.

"The sense is not like that, but the point is that. Anyway, I was failed, it will be nice if I saw my friends succeed. That is simple right?" 

That was the last conversation before I reached home.

We can get lesson from anything as long as we think.

The Winter Lady

Once upon a time, there was a prosperous country with the green trees in the western side of the country, and the blue lake in the east where the shinning sun born in the horizon. The herds of animals were living happily in the wide meadow, blanketed with the bushes and flowers that witnessed the magnificent of warm sun that replaced by the tranquil moon. But it was merely the past, before the land was cursed.

There lived an old lady who spent her day and night thinking about the prince, when the royal family along with the lancer past through the country after walking around the land, she did everything to get the attention and love from the prince, she shouted, calling out the prince, but what she got was only humiliation from all the people.

The prince was sorry for the lady, but he could do nothing.

The old lady ran away to alienate herself in the middle of the forest. The seasons were changing in, the spring, summer, and autumn complemented each other with their eternal beauty. Her love to the prince kept increasing and gradually reached into a state of hatred, she despised all she could not get. She wobbled to an old well in the deep of the forest, and threw three rocks to it. Suddenly, from the deep dark well, appeared a white creature with a fang in the side of his mouth, it was the demon of frost.

“I know what you want” The demon said.

“Help me to do what I want, and I will give you anything”

“Anything?” The demon grimaced.

“Yes, anything...” said the old lady.

And then they talked.

In the first time in that land, there were flakes of snow felt from the sky, all the people scattered around, and amazed by the snowflakes they had never seen before. The days were passing by, the weather was getting colder and colder, all the green meadow turned into white rug, the blue lake transformed into white glaze which devour those who walk on it.

It was June, but everything was still the same, frozen, and dead. Starvation and famine were crawling to every corner of the houses in that country. There was no more food, the field was frozen, and the animals were dead.

The prince stood by the window, examining the snowflakes, every time the snow melt, he could see the sad face of the old lady who was trapped in it.

“I’m sorry for ignoring you for all the time, but now, you get my attention” He looked up the white sky and said in low voice “The good thing is that we can see each other now, you can touch me with the flakes of your cold body, and melt in my hand before I swallow you, and make you part of my body”

One by one the people of the country were found dead. There were only the prince and the princess life in their warm mansion, with only a few foods left.

“It has been a year, and we cannot stay here forever” The prince initiated to speak.

“We can go nowhere” The princess answered hopelessly.

“We can! There is a place where we can go, we just have to pass the lake, and we will find spring at the other side of the country--” The prince responded vigorously.

“--And we will die, devoured by the ice glaze” Interrupted the princess.

“We will die anyway, what is the different? We may die here, or we may die there in trying” The prince rose, he added “If we tried, at least there will be a chance”

”No! I have seen so many people died in that lake. That's the fact”

The prince sat, looked into her eyes, and said "Well, Fact leaves no room for possibility. If you regarded it as fact, everything is over. There is nothing I can say"

“Okay, no matter what will happen, I am going to stay right here, in my place, nobody can take me out of my personal space, including you. I’m just not ready to go out and let anything bad happen to me”

“Bad thing is that what is created by yourself, and will be soon transformed into fear, and that fear will be a big wall that will block you in any ways. I’m so sorry for my incapability to take you with me”

Then the prince left her, he trudged to pass the ice glaze, several times, he got his foot broke through the ice glaze, and for several times he could not feel his feet. Eventually, he found a spot of light at the part when he was about to die in frozen.

The prince opened his eyes and found out his people who were previously devoured by the glaze, and he fainted for the second times.

“Look, he is alive” he heard a voice, and soon he heard another voice “Oh thanks God, he is okay”

With a very low voice, the prince inquired “Where is this? Am I dead? Why are you all here? I thought--” 

One of the men interrupted “We are still in the country, we have just trapped in our deepest fear, once we go through it, and we are safe”

The prince frowned and then asked “What about those who don’t?” 

“I’m afraid they won’t survive, all the curses are merely hallucination, and it can always be broken either by true love or real bravery”

Then the prince went outside, in the way, he found everything was still the same as the previous land, the green meadow and the blue lake, and then he remembered the princess, so he rushed to the mansion, searched all the mansion, and found the princess stood by the window directed to the lake, with the orbs of crystals on her cheeks, frozen.

Letter to Pertiwi

Dear Pertiwi, the mother of nature

How beautiful you are with the enthralling panorama

How rich you are with thousands miscellaneous ethnics and cultures

My love for you won’t be cracked by time, nor be faded by dust

 It will be eternal within your heart

Oh my dear Indonesia…

You have been a little old, and a bit different than what you used to be

You look frail, loose and wobbly

What happened to you?

Are you weeping at your trees chopped by the greedy hands?

Are you crying at your miserable people oppressed by the aristocracy?

Are the gnawing rats hurting you?

I don’t know... but I can feel your pain

Verily! I don’t want to see you drop your tears any more than this

But I can’t do this by myself…

What I can do is just hang up my hope on you

So you can be better than this

So that the homeless can get their proper shelter

So that the uneducated can get their proper education

So that the cultural and natural wealth remain ours

May this is not just my wishful thinking

Best regards from your people