I have striven to live my life with even a tiny bit of awareness. I know I have been sleepwalking the whole time, but I tried to wake up in between seconds. I must have missed most of what happened this month. Anyway, with the limit of my perception and clouds in my awareness, I sort of like this month.
Physically, I am still standing in my starting point when I firstly came to this city. Financially, I am still a broke with no clear future. Particularly, this month has nothing to ponder about but some ups and downs—mostly downs, though.
I don’t know what kind of person I am. I feel a certain kind of longing for melancholy and sufferings. I remember moments happened in this month when I was drenched for an hour, when I was worn out, when I could not sleep for the noises in my head, when I was overwhelmed by guilt, when I got into an accident, when I was physically in pain and when I was broken. The depressive energy somehow puts things into perspective.
I am somewhat happy.
It feels like I have traveled a long journey full of shards and blaze. Overall, I am grateful for that. Each obstacle that I passed has grows me. I have become stronger and wiser.
I am looking forward to meeting more obstacles. Big-challenging-frustrating-overwhelming-deadly obstacles. I am waiting for them with open arms.
I will remember each moment happened in this month. If my life were a book, these moments would be in a separate chapter that constitute a plot to my story.
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This month has not even ended yet, but I close it with a smile.
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