Nothing

Nothing big happened in my life, lately. Here I am, in my house, reading, watching movies, doing some translations, and going outside sometimes.

This house has been a little bit quieter since my mother, and my sisters left. Well, because of this and that, half of the people in my family move to Jakarta. It is not due to a divorce, though.

Here I am, with my father and my little brother, who will soon leave this house too.

 By the end of this month—or the beginning of next month—I will start living by myself. That is what I have always wanted; to be alone.

I could have moved with them too, actually. I, however, said to them that I still have many things to do concerning my study—which actually is already over. In fact, I do not have anything to do in this city, but I just do not want to leave this city.

***

Like I said before, this is what I want, to be alone and tranquil. I want it since what I usually heard in this house was nothing but arguments. Those arguments, however, are what I am longing for, now.

***

I feel tranquil and still… very still so that I can hear nothing but the tick of the clock, my heartbeats, and my own thoughts.

I am tranquil with nothing to worry about. I have finished my final project paper, I have enough money to stay alive, and I am no longer curious of how it is to be loved and how it is to be hurt. I have had enough of it.

I do not really want to continue my study since I can learn what I want to learn. I have all the sources and empty mind that is ready to retain anything. Besides, I have been offered to work at some places.

The questions are:

1. What do I want to do?

2. Where do I want to go?

***

Several months ago, an idea has just struck me in the head. It says that I should go find a job with high salary in other islands or even countries for 3 years, and then get back here (to Indonesia) to buy a house in the middle of nowhere, in a place where signal cannot even reach me. It says that I will buy a farm so that I can provide myself what I need.

Well…

I know that soon, my path will head to some branches. It is up to me to decide which path should I pass.

The path that I cannot take back…