Happiness: Origin and Misconceptions

What can make you happy and peaceful? 

Firstly, let me provide you some definitions of happiness:
1. Emotions experienced when in a state of well-being.
2. State of well-being characterized by emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy

While the meaning of unhappiness is closely related to the negative thoughts like anxiety, fear, disappointment, etc.

Now, let me take you back to our leading question. What can make you happy and peaceful? 

You may say that it is to be financially secured. 
You may say that it is to have a good job.
You may say that it is to live happily with a faithful partner.
…or any other things a human being may say.

Nevertheless, I’d like to reject all these things and argue that these things are just the means that will make you happy and peaceful.

Let me take some cases to point this out.

At one particular time I’d think that a bar of chocolate can make me happy. In fact, it is not the chocolate that will make me happy; it is the feeling that having the chocolate that will give me pleasure which makes me happy. If the chocolate does not give me the moment of pleasure, I surely wouldn’t want it.

Okay. Chocolate seems to be too trivial for this topic. Let me give you other examples.

You may think that having a perfect soul mate that meets all the criteria of your perfect figure will make you happy. It is not—it may only do for moment. As the matter of fact, it will create even bigger anxiety about losing your soul mate, or the thought that he/ she might cheat on you. 

Another case:

You may think that you will live a fulfilled and happy life when you have great amount of money with nice house and the good kids. No, I bet it is not. There will be many ‘what if’. What if someone kidnapped the kids? What if someone stole from me? There will always be negative thoughts such as fear or anxiety—which refer back to the definition of unhappiness.

The basic mean of happiness is, therefore, a situation in which we can erase all the negative thoughts such as the aforementioned ones above.

After all, in my whole life I have been pursuing happiness by means of:
1. Providing myself some education to erase the anxiety of being incapable of coping with the crazy competition to win a good job.
2. Having myself prepared for good jobs to delete the anxiety and fear of living in hunger or being a bum in the future.
3. Looking for partner to get rid the anxiety that I am undeserving and unworthy; or to feel the happiness that I am lovable.

All the efforts are nothing but the means to pursue happiness.

Actually, when I broke up with my girlfriends—either I dumped her or I was the one who was dumped (Actually, I don’t really like the idea of dumping. We are not rubbish after all; unless if you think I am; but I don’t really care because that’s merely your truth anyway)—I always refer back to this basic definition of happiness (I’m sorry for being too personal. Anyway this is my blog; I can do anything in here. lol). 

The thing is that each of us has failed to make our partner happy—which is the main task of a partner—in fact, we failed to erase the negative thoughts. We make each other unhappy.

I failed. Yes, I am...for over and over again… but so will all other human beings! There is no one in this world that can erase all the negative feelings except the one whose head is full of those thoughts. This is the task that has always been doomed for failure.

In summation we have been thinking that happiness is external factors like good jobs, good fortune, good partner, good kids, and many more. However, if we take a look at the meaning of unhappiness, the key is in our thought.

I am not promoting Buddhism or any other religions here, but I recommend you all to take one or two hours in a day to meditate… to be a floating branch in the middle of your stream of thoughts.

I have risen to my highest joy and fallen to my deepest despair; and all I know is that the one that is responsible for that is thought.


This is not entirely my idea; this writing is based on the interpretation of some books and sites I read. There is no such thing as my completely work.