A Lesson in High School

“Okay, it’s my new life, and I’m not going to spoil it again” I said, I went when the sun was in right on my head, so I asked my father to ride me to school. I was in the 1.9 class and my student number was 19, “it will be my lucky year” I thought. In class, I could only see a few familiar students, because they were my friends in Junior High school, and the rest were completely new people. I looked at every single student in my class and felt glad because there did not seem to be street-kid-face, besides, the girls were pretty, and this circumstances will surely motivate me to study hard.

I was a study-oriented student, what was I doing was just study to prove to my parents that I could get achievements in here, in their doubt. Moreover, I wanted to impress one of the girl I liked. My hard-work was not wasteful, my geography teacher pointed me to be my school’s representative to join the Olympiad. Several days later, my biology teacher asked me to join a biology competition as well.

I was overwhelmed with the materials and the supplementary books I should read in only several days. In one night, I realized that although I was academically a ‘successful’ student, I was not happy at all, I lost some parts of my youth. I began thinking of being like another students.

I had never been in a relationship with any girl in my life. I was so clumsy every time a girl come after me, I did not even dare to interact the girl I liked in the class, so that I decided to come and consult with one of my friends who is regarded as a playboy in my school to learn the ways how to attract girls.

“You have to change your appearance, the way you talk, the way you look at other people. It is quite difficult, but I am sure that you can”. He said and gave me a book about ways of attracting women. It seemed to me as if he was an angel who helped me from the darkness and despair.

After reading the book, I felt myself as Eros, a son of Aphrodite and Ares who could get every girls I wanted with a ‘new me’ who have changed. I started imagining myself dating with so many beautiful girls. Daydreaming for too long, I forgot to get ready for school, so I came late. The teachers I encountered at the corridor looked at me strangely with a frowning face and said “Hananta? Why do you look so different?”, but I just passed by. When I was in my class, fortunately there was no teacher. I felt every eyes in the class staring at me with my new appearance. I put my bag on the chair and went to the canteen with my friends. I felt free and happy, my life has changed and I had many friends who usually hanged up with me after school. Honestly, being with them made me forget about time, I went home at 8 or 9 P.M. if my parents asked me, I always said that I had just done a group assignment in my friend’s house.

I had already had everything that made me happy, except a girlfriend, so I planned to declare my feeling to a girl in my class who I liked since the first day. Because I did not have any experience, I just counted on the book my friend gave me. In the book, it was written if you wanted to declare your feeling, you should be brave, hold her hands, looked into her eyes, do not show any indication of doubt. After the school’s bell was ringing, smilingly I came to her and said “don’t go anywhere, I wanna said something” I tried to be elegant, but she said that she was in hurry and had to go home soon. Perhaps she had already known about my plan. Suddenly one of my friends said “what are you doing? Go after her, don’t let her go!” Then I ran after her as if the actors in the romance movie. 

“Hey, wait!”

She stopped “what’s the matter?”

Doing exactly as the book, I hold her hand, looked into her eyes, and said “would you be my girlfriend?”

“I do not know” she blushed and tried to leave me by pacing up. Because the book stated that I should be ‘nothing to lose’, I followed her until the front gate, there were many students and some of them are laughing at me.

“How? What is your answer?”

“I cannot answer it right now. It needs time, three days perhaps”

“I cannot wait for that long, I need your answer now! What is the difference between now and three days later?”

“I’m sorry, I can’t” she left me behind. I was speechless, I did not know what to do. However, finally I felt free from the chain that had tied me for 16 years. I felt happy.

I went home with a bow and smile. It was my first time declaring and being rejected at a very close time. Yet, I was happy.

After taking a bath, I thought of what had just happened an hour ago and I laughed. Suddenly, my phone rang, she texted me! It is written I’m sorry, I did not know what to do. There were so many people around. Actually, I wanted to say that it is wrong. I did not know whether I should be happy or what, but then I replied you should have said that an hour ago. There is no second chance in this life, and you have wasted it. After sending that message, I turned my phone off. I felt regret and sad, but it was my decision and I had to move on from her.

The first semester had passed. All of the students were gathered after the Monday ceremony. The headmaster announced the students who get the first, second, ant the third ranks for every classes. It made my heart pound because my class is the last which being announced. However I felt as if I won a lottery when the headmaster called out my name as the first rank and I got a trophy. I was so proud of myself. “I can get the achievement even though I have changed my living habits. I’ll do the same in the next semester and enjoy my life”.

In the next semester, I was becoming lazier. After school, I spent hours with my friends, touring, hanging out, and sometimes browsing and chatting in MIRC with as many as women as possible. I felt myself cool by doing those things. I went home at 9 or 10 P.M, glancing at the books, and sleeping.

I felt the materials in school were getting harder and I could not concentrate with them. I began ignoring several subjects and focusing on the pursuit of happiness.

After declaring my feeling for the first time, I felt like a bird which just escaped and flew away to places I have been deliriously wanted to be. I felt strange, I felt in love to every woman I found her interesting. In three weeks, I had dated many girls in many schools, and sometimes, I had to deal with problems, their boyfriends. Fortunately, I had many loyal friends who helped me to face that problems.

One day, my best friend came and said “you have changed. I missed my old friend” she put her hand in my shoulder “think about your parents, your dreams.” And she left.

In the evening, I was contemplating, and I found that I had been so unfair.

“I am consist of two men. One wants to have all the joy, passion, and adventures that life can give me. The other wants to be a slave to routine, to school life, to the things that can be planned and achieved. Both of us living in the same body and doing battle with each other” (quoted from Eleven Minutes, by Paulo Coelho)

I am in the middle of them, I have to be neutral. I should not have sided to one of them, because it will harm one part of me.

“I should learn about priority” I think.

The next day, I gave the book to my friend. “It is not the right time. I should learn about myself and the priority before learning about love and romance. It is destructive”

I tried very hard to rebuild my life from the bottom to the top. Perhaps, it was too late for me to change. I have spent three months unfairly. I gratified only one of my part and abandoned another one. However, at least I did not have to wait longer to change.

I changed my perspectives about happiness. I think, happiness is when I can gratified both of the parts inside me.

In the end of the semester, as usual, all of the students were gathered after the Monday ceremony. The headmaster announced the students who get the first, second, ant the third ranks. It did not even make my heart pound because I had already known that my name will not being called. I sat motionless at the back and thought that I have disappointed many people. Suddenly, one of my friend shocked me and said that the headmaster called out my name.

“I don’t feel inclined for joking” I said, but then I heard my name was called out.

“You got third rank. Congratulation man!” said my friend.

I came to the front, and was congratulated by the headmaster. Although I did not get the trophy, I felt happier than myself the last semester. There is no word ‘late’ to change.