A lesson from a child

last weekend, my mother and I went to a market near my house to buy kitchen things and raw materials to be cooked. Traditional market has been one  of the places I hate most in my life. It is dirty, muddy, crowded and stink. However, because I am a good son and the main reason is because I did not want my mother to go mad and cursed me into a stone.

In the market, as if I am her bodyguard, I followed wherever she go. I was the one who carried all the groceries like a slave. I felt dizzy, everything was spinning, but I forced myself to stay conscious because It just not elegant if I fainted in the middle of the crowd and being trampled by the grannies to death.

When I was waiting for my mother who was bargaining with a seller, I saw a  boy and his mother came to a stall next to me. the boy was supposedly 4 to 5 years old, he was having ice cream in that sunny day. I kept looking at his ice cream when the boy suddenly whining to his mother pointing at a bounded of very big firecracker which looked more like a bomb. Her mother patiently explain that it was dangerous ad he should not have it, but the boy kept crying and screaming louder. Many people were looking at them when finally the mother carried him away.

From what I had seen in the market, I learn something, I learn that most of people are playing role as a four-year-old children. They kept whining to God about what they want, about what they think will make them happy. However, because of His blessing, God kept them away from dangerous and stray. God does not give them what they want, but what they need. God gives them what is the best for them, not what they think to be the best for them.

Many people curse at the things they did not get, they tend to blame the fate without knowing the good reason behind it. That day, God has given me a lesson of life through a four-year-old boy and his mother. What a meaningful day at market. Every step I make is fate. God has oriented me to event where I can learn lesson from it.

The Causes of Death

Jack Millstone was supposedly the most successful businessman in London. In 1970s, he owned two established companies in South and west London. He also had a very wide plantation in north London. When he drifted his convertible gliding down the street, all the women’s eyes could not avoid averting their eyes to see the most successful and handsome man in London.

All the man in London surely wanted to be like him, but, being Jack millstone was not absolutely happy. Because of his fame and wealth, many people, especially his relatives in bad intention tried to kill and take possession of everything he had. At least, there are 5 cases of murder trial had been committed to him. But nobody had successfully done their job since there were about 15 bodyguards staying around him.

In 1982, Jack was in the fatigue limit, after years being terrorized by people who desirously wanted his wealth.

“My life is more precious than anything in this world” he sighted. 

He sold his companies and plantation, then donated all the money to a child foundation in Zimbabwe and decided to isolate himself peacefully in a small house in the countryside. In there, he became a shepherd. Although he had only ten sheeps, and all he could afford to buy was only a food for a week for every time he sold the wool. Yet, he lived happily. 

Having a good-looking face made it easy for him to attract any women in that country. In only a month being a shepherd, his name had been wide-spreading across the country. Many women started to come just to greet, meet and ask him to teach them how to treat the sheep. Because of that, the young men in that country began to hate him. They tried to kill him by burning his house when he was asleep. Luckily, he noticed the smell of fire and escaped in time.

In desperation, he sold his sheeps and alienated himself to a desolate place to avoid harming his life. He settled down in a hut in the mountain and struggled by planting plants and hunting boars. When he was going down to find some water, he saw a beautiful young woman with a long hair by the river. She looked familiar to him.

“Yes, she used to come to my dream, hold my hand, and have a very interesting conversation with me. I have been falling in love with her for a long time, even before I know her” he thinks. 

Her name was Jill, she said that she lived in a hut on the top of the mountain. After they got to know each other, they always meet by the river and finally decided to be in a relationship.

It had been two months since they were in a relationship, He still did not know where his beloved live. Jill had never asked Jack to come over his house. Instead, she forbade him to come to her house, but being blinded by love, Jack had never thought badly about her.

One day, Jack was hunting down the mountain, mistakenly when he shot a boar, he missed his shot and broke a window in a small house. Nervously he came to apologize, but he was shock when he saw Jill sleeping with a man in that house. When he asked Jill’s explanation, offensively, the man who slept with Jill attacked Jack. In a pinch, Jack pointed his rifle and shot him. Jill cried out and asked him to go. When he was walking out with tears running down his cheek. He heard a gunshot, eventually he noticed that he leaved his rifle behind.

He ran to the top of the mountain and found a canyon.

“I have lived in the middle of people who desirously wanted my death. Yet, I am here… alive. I have escaped from thousand trials of killing and I am here … breathing. Nobody was able to end my live, but there is one thing that can… love. I have given a dagger to something called love, and waited for it to stab me… and this will be the time.”

Bored in heaven

I resolve leaving this heaven. Although it means uncertain and dangerous life

I want liberty. Although kept being prowled by the hypocritical gaze, about to pounce

I hate when I am unable to flap my wings. Although I don't have to, in this place that full of the prosperity

I 'm desirious of leaving you. I just want to observe the universe, find its wisdom and come back here

You will never lose me because I’ll be here in time, accompany you, fill your emptiness, and sing for you...
...Until you replace me

Universe is wide, it is worth observing
let me go...

Swimming Pool : Swimming fool

"I wish I could swim" those words keep flying in my mind. That day, after being in an exhausted day, my friends and I decided to have a swim just to get out from the reality to face the overwhelming assignments which the deadline was getting closer. Luckily, the pool was not occupied and there were not many people there so I along with another four friends could do something crazy without attracting so many attention from the visitors there.

After having a warming up, most of us just stayed in the edge of the pool because the afraid of drowning. I could clearly see the sign of 2 meters deep in the floor level. From the edge of the pool I saw two of my friends had a swim. I was having a nice chat with Meli, one of my friend who could not swim either when Fifi suddenly jumped into the water and struck out to the middle of the pool. Her bravery enchanted me because it just awesome to jump into the two-meter-deep pool without a good swimming skill.

Our excitement was stopped when Meli saw her drowning. Because I could not swim, I asked Gika, one of my friend to help her. I was calming down when he swam to help her. But it became a lot more thrilling because instead of helping her, Gika was almost drown too when Fifi hanged on him in panic and  treated him as a thief at the market. He failed to help her. Fifi was still in the middle of the pool when finally Tanu, a tall slim Chinese man who was believed to have a very good swimming skill in comparison to all of us since he was one of the member of a swimming club in my campus. When he reached and tried to help Fifi, I didn't know what to think, staring at that rescuing action made me panic and annoyed at the same time.

With all his mighty, Tanu tried to help Fifi from drowning, but because of her panic, instead of being helped, she was accidentally endangered Tanu's life. I was imagining the scene when Spongebob helped Patrick Star from drowning and instead of being helped, Patrick harmed Spongebob's life as well. Meli tried to asked for help to another visitors but there are only a few people there and all they did was just watching the rescue action.

Fortunately, Fifi was finally saved by Tanu and as if there was nothing danger had happened, we were laughing very loudly at Fifi. The good thing is that I could understand the scene when spongebob tried to rescue Patrick from drowning and I could visualize it clearly.

Stupidity: Sign of Awakening

I think, realizing that having done something foolish is sign of maturation, awakening and moving on. As time goes by, these days I always feel stupid to something that I was sure to be very cool and right in the past.

One of which is became possessive to my girls. Now I feel like a dumb Alay every time I remember it. What I mean is who am I? why should I be so possessive? I feel like a ten-year-old-boy in the playhouse who is pretending to be a husband of my faked spouse in my faked home.

Another stupidity I have ever made is fighting with my best friend for a woman as if two derelict struggle to obtain a scum. We finally know that she teases men merely as a formality to conceal her real identity. I am grateful to realize it soon.

Being a man who was swearing on the social media, having my hair dyed in the style of a boyband, wearing a tight trousers as if the grannies who wear legging was one of my foolishness, and the worse thing is that I became an Alay for about 2 years.

Being burdened by the mistakes in the past and the expectation for the future often made me feel my happiness was bridled and my freedom was bounded. It was my silliness as well, and now I realize that I live in the present and all I have to do is to forget the past, concern a little about the future and just be the best of myself in the present and let the surprises in the future make my life to be more challenging.

Now, I find myself doing something silly again, but I just have not figured it out yet. I hope I will realize it soon and find the other stupidity in my life.

Truth

The Importance of Truth

Asking about something that you know the answer will be hurtful can sometimes help you to decide what you    are going to do next. The bitterest truth can be more meaningful than the sweetest lie, because we live in a reality, not in the dream in which there are the most wonderful and desirable things you have been dreaming all the time.

That miserable truth can be a thing to remind you to escape from the slavery of suffering love that has been gnawing your passion and happiness. That bitter truth can make you stop dreaming of flying to a castle of heaven and meet your dream princess. That vexing truth can open your eyes to look at something that is not what you want to see, but something you need to see.

Wave

It has been years since the first time she set her feet here, in this white sand. A little girl usually comes there twice a day just for staring the changing of the sky when the sun rises in the east and come back here when the sun touched the horizon in the west. At that time, the sky was as red as blood when she told the wave about the sky that she has been falling in love with.

With all his strength, the wave tried effortlessly to be as near as possible with that little girl, but all he can do is just touching her toe before he got pulled back to the ocean. When she said about the sky she has never reached, the tears running down her cheeks and all he can do is just looking at her from the distance.

The wave always dream of being complementary with her, being string together in the bound of love. Although they have a different life, the wave thinks that at least they were made by one hand. Laughingly, the universe said " Be rational! Both of you will never be united. You are part of the sea, and you will always return to the ocean. While she is the part of something else. Her body will comeback to the land, and her soul belong to the sky. She is not predetermined for you. Your path will not cross each other."

One day, the wave saw her sitting on the reef, looking at the sky with her misty eyes. She always comes there with a weeping and return home with smile. Perhaps, that is after looking at the sky. Here, in his usual place, the wave retains her tears she has dropped for these years.

In a desperation the wave asked the universe "why are you so unfair to me? Why can't I be together with her?" The universe answer "She doesn't belong to you, and you are not created to be fitted. One day she will fly to the sky and decorate it with her joy and cheerfulness. And you will always stuck in here, in the ocean. You cannot strive against fate."

Then he said " Please answer my last question, After that, I will never whine to you  anymore. I want to know her feeling to me." Then the universe said "she has fallen in love with you since the first time she set her feet here. She wanted to take you in her possession, but she thought that you just come and go as you touched her toe and vanish in the ocean.Unlike the sky who always be there in all her life."

The wave is quite happy to hear that and think "At least, she used to love me, and I will have always love her. I will be waiting for her until God asked me not to. Ill always be here, catching and keeping her tears. That is enough."

Dream and Reality

A: Ok. I think it is quite complicated, and my question is are you happy living like this?

B: Yeah, I’m quite happy to play here, in my favorite club I’ve been dreaming since I was still bed-wetting. Although…

A: That’s what I mean. You are still young and talented, you still need to optimize your potential. Why are you putting in iron to your feet? Are you going to sit in that bench for the rest of your career?

B: But what can I do? I just have to wait until the coach tried me over. It just the matter of time.

A: How long are you going to wait? Are you waiting in hope for his injury? Until he broke his foot? So that the coach will give you a chance.

B: Of course I’m not. I’ve already said that it just the matter of time!

A: I believe your eyes can see well. You know quite well he is the golden boy here. What do you expect? You will always be a substitute player. Anyway, have you ever heard the supporters calling out your name?

B: And what should I do?

A: Just follow your conscience. It is the god’s omens. Besides, you can sign this contract. There, you will be as happy as a boy running in the rain, you will play from the first minutes without being substituted or even be a substitute player and the good thing is that supporters will call out your name.

B: Yeah, but I’m still confused. This is the club I’ve been dreaming of since I was a boy and being here is what always motivate me to dribble even when I fell down and stumbled. Now, I’m here clutching my dream by the hand.

A: What a superficial thought! You keep looking up the sky without realizing where you set your feet on. You rejected the club that obviously needs you, the club where the people will idolize you. It doesn’t matter whether you feel comfortable or not, it just the matter of time. I do believe that you will soon be comfortable standing beside your coach, friends and the supporters who count on you, who believe in you and who call out your name inside and outside the field.

B: I’m confused…

A: I know what you feel. It is better than if you stayed here. Look! The couch don’t even averting his eyes on you. You are regarded as unimportant here. It just the matter of time until they dump you, outcast you from the circle of your dream. After that, you will be one of those homeless people. People will regard you as a daydreamer with a big mouth because nobody believe that you have played here in your life. Every club has it own mascot, and because of that you will never always be a substitute player. Reality has never been as good as dream.

B: Should I leave?

A: Yeah, I suggest you leave from here. You can be a mascot in other club, although it is a small club, the important things is that you are appreciated by the people in wherever you are. Your presence will be meaningful to them.

B: I 'll wait for a couple of months and then come up with a decision.

A: Ok. I'll be waiting.

Roses and love

Roses and Love

People regard rose as a sign of eternal love, but when they gave a rose to their mate, actually, they have indirectly compelled their mate to witness the death of that rose, they have to see it lose its beauty and eventually dried and wasted. It is contrasted if they took their mate just to see the beauty of roses in the garden. They will see the eternal beauty of the herd of roses interacting with the other magnificence works of God.

Roses, Horizon, sunset, sunrise, and landscape are beautiful. We should not take possession of something beautiful, because we will eventually see it loses its beauty. All we can do is staring and loving it.

And how about Love?

Love is beautiful as well. When we loved someone wholeheartedly and decided to take possession of it, we will see that love fading along with time, because love is always hurtful no matter we keep it, whether it goes to another keeper, or return to the possession of God.

Winner or Loser

Winner or Loser

A  friend of mine said that I should do something beyond my own limitation, do something I had never done as far. The most difficult phase for a rocket-launching is when it penetrated through the atmosphere, after going beyond it, it can drift a lot more easily.

All I have to do for now is seizing the day to do something I afraid of doing in the whole my life. Because, most people regrets for something they could have done, not the things they have done.

"Perhaps, I was born to be a loser" I said.

"Nobody in this world born to be a loser, actually, all human being have already become a winner even before they were born. In the form of sperm, everybody has successfully defeated thousands opponent in the aims to be the first to reach the ovum. We are one among thousands.

And now you are here, among other winners, but you don't have to worry about defeating others, because all you have to do is defeating yourself. I know you can do it, you are a strong man.'" He said with igneous eyes.

Bertemu Maho (one of the cases)

Sebenarnya, dari awal gua udah ga enak perasaan sih pas di perjalanan pulang tadi tuh, Apalagi pas ada mas-mas bermuka tirus, berbadan kurus, dan berbaju hitam ketat, kira-kira 25 tahunan yang naik di sekitar Jln. Setiabudhi. Dari pas dia naik, dia ngeliatin gua mulu dong. Gua duduk di tempat biasa, pojok kiri belakang, dan dia duduk di arah jam 10 dari gua sebelum para penumpang lain mulai turun dan akhirnya dia pindah tepat didepan gua.

Di sekitaran Dago, dia udah mulai kepo-kepo

He: pulang kemana?

Me: (sambil melepaskan hansfree) ke Cicaheum.

He: rumah atau ngekost? asal mana?

Me: Rumah, Asal Bandung Selatan

He: oh, ada orang tua ya dirumah?

Me: Iya, dirumah ga pernah sepi (masang Handsfree lagi)

Five minutes later

He: Kuliah atau kerja?

Me: kuliah.

He: dimana? semester berapa?

Me: di UPI .. hmm 4.

He: (sambil ngedeketin dan megang paha gua) anak kuliah tuh cocoknya sama yg udah kerja lho.

Me: iya (gua ketawa kepaksa)

He: iya, emang bener gitu, anak kuliah tuh kan kebutuhannya banyak, iya kan?

Me: iya sih..

He: Main ke kosan saya yu?

Me: ah udah malem,besok harus pergi kuliah shubuuuh banget, soalnya ada acara jurusan, lagian udah ditunggu mama nih

He: sebentar aja kok, nanti pulangnya saya antar, mau ya?

Me: emang dimana? saya ga tau jalan ah. << (this is my biggest mistake)

He: di Cikutra, nanti pulangnya saya anterin ko, hayu ih

Me: Lain kali aja kayaknya, saya orang baru disini, jadi masih ga berani main jauh jauh.

He: ya ga apa-apa, nanti pulangnya saya antar kok, terus kalo butuh biaya buat kuliah, bilang aja ke saya.

Me: iya.. tapi beneran, saya sudah ditunggu mama nih, lain kali aja ya.

He: ya udah, minta nomer HP nya dong (sambil ngeluarin HP)

Me: ngeluarin HP (cari nama orang di kontak randomly) ini, liat aja sendiri yang namanya BEM (sambil nunjukin HP)

He: ya udah, nanti saya hubungin ya.

dan akhirnya dia turun disekitar jalan Cikutra, untung aja dia ga nge misscall. Dan kayaknya gua harus minta maaf sama anak Bem yang nomer HP-nya gua kasih ke tu maho. I'm so sorry kalo nanti tiba tiba ada cowok ga jelas yang ngehubungin BEM ngajak main ke kosannya. I'm really sorry.

3 Mei 2013. 8 P.M.