New Perspective

Gathering stalks of the meaningless things into a bundle of something meaningful

Every single thing that happened to me was already written by the hand of the unseen.

The first time I think about it, I did not believe at this thing at all, because as I know, everything happened because of the human’s effort. I believe in God, but I believe in human’s effort and consequences as well.

But, something has changed my perspective about what happened to me.

One day, I was kicked out by a lecturer because I chatted with my friend. I was very ashamed, and feeling regret of course, but anyway I deserved to be kicked out from that class.

Then I walked out the class along with my friend, whom was kicked out from the class as well. We were bowed, and regretted. I think it was normal if she became so upset, for it was her first time being kicked out from the class, and that was with my contribution, I felt sorry for her and for me as well.

But in despair, and gloom tone after felt the wrath of the lecturer, the nice things began to happen; I never thought I would be so gratitude for being kicked out from the class. In the way I unintentionally met someone who treated me for a dinner, and after a very long interesting talk, I walked her home.

After that, I realized that I had left my jacket in my friend’s boarding house, so then I visited her just to take it and went home instead because the clock was almost pointed at 9 p.m. But everything did not walk as what I planned; in her boarding house I had another very long talk. Interesting talk, I did not know why I was so engaged in almost every chat with some people, and I was still wondering why most people almost always tell their secrets to me, the things that they did not want people to know. I was impressed too because I felt good when someone believed me.

In the evening, I realized that the one small miserable thing has brought me to a very interesting life I had never expected. So I always think that there is no such a thing as a totally miserable thing, because everything is like a coin, they have 2 sides. If I sometimes find one side, I will get the other side for a moment later as I turned the coin.

Everything that happened in our life has its own meaning and when we can understand the meaning, we can grasp the meaning of life.

Flower day

The Story of Jack

It was all started in the 'flower day', the day when all popular girls gt all the flower while the nerd, like me, would better stay outside the class unless those popular girls would say to you with a phony anguished face "I'm sorry you don't get any flower again, wanna take mine?". 

I had never known people would get so crap like that. When I was thinking about those popular girls, a boy, a messenger came with colourous blossom flowers on his hand, and asked me: 

"Are you Anna Watson?"

"Yeah" I said.

"This is for you, from Jack Downing" he said, and gave me letter "and please sign here"

"Wait.. wait it must be wrong. I don't even know this Jack whatsoever" I inquired.

"You're Anna Watson, aren't you? So that's for you" and he left.

I was wondering who this Jack Downing was, looking at the every inch of the blossoming flowers I had never got. It was like a dream. I found a memo on it, it was written: For you with love, By Jack Downing. Then I said to myself "Be calm Ann, this must be a joke, and he's laughing at my stupid face now"

When I got into the class, I found some girls staring at me with a frowning face, and then came. "Whom is that from Ann? I don't know you have a boyfriend. Let me see", they took it from me and read the memo aloud. I was waiting for the laughter, what I heard was nothing, but a silent. They were just staring at each other, in agape, until one of them inquired "Are you with Jack Downing?"

"I don't even know this Jack Downing. Who's he anyway?" I frowned. They started talking about him, some of them said that he was a son of the richest family in that town, some said he was a biggest playboy dated so many girls.

That was all I know about him, my first impression, and I should get away from this guy. In the evening, I slept over at Patsy's house to do some trigonometry assignments, because during her illness, she could not attend the class. After working out the assignments, everything got so bored, anyway, what did you expect when you were sticking around with a nerd with three-inch-thick glasses?. It was so bored, we were silent for almost half an hour, but it was almost like this ever since I slept over at her house, last week I tried to break the ice by asking her stuff concerning algebra, but things got more and more tedious because she explained it for ages, so I would not do the same mistake asking about math. So without any serious purposes, I inquired "Pat, do you know Jack Downing?"

"What do you mean?" she asked, and she said "I've told you all about him last week. Didn't you listen to me?"

"Did you? I thought you were talking about Algebra" I shrugged.

"Yeah, and then I talked about him" she retorted. A few minutes later she spoke "He is the reason why I learn so hard. He motivated me when I was down, depressed, at the lowest point of myself", her eyes moisten. Then I stood up, took some sheet of tissues, and handed it over to her. She stared at me, her eyes rained me suspiciously with thousands of questions that transfixed me. 

Nervously I clarified "Well, some of my classmates talked about him this afternoon. I just wondered who this guy is". Then she continued talking about that Jack.

From that, I was sure that this guy was some kind of teaser, moving on from one girl to another girl as he wanted without thinking a bit about what they felt. He was a fish that never satisfied and kept swallowing the water of life in his pond. I did not know why, but my hatred grew bigger and bigger toward him. Sometimes, I felt stupid, hating someone I did not even know, but I am a woman, I could and should think about other women's feeling.

The next Friday in flower day, I got another delivery, a red rose this time, and a memo written: There should not be a reason to love somebody, like I love you" but this time, he put his phone number. I tried to hide both the rose and the memo, for it was too dangerous if someone read it aloud, and Patsy would know.

In the evening, I tried to find out what his intention in giving me these things, so I called the phone number he left on the memo. "I've been waiting for your call" I heard a man's voice.

Nervously I inquired "Am I speaking to Jack Downing?"

"Yes" he said, "I am--"

But I interrupted "Would you stop doing all these jokes?"

"I am not joking" He said calmly "I mean it, all I ever said"

"Oh, please just stop it. I know you are good at flirting girls with your flowery words, but it won't work in me anyway" and I added "You're just wasting your time; you can do this with many girls, but not to me"

Then he answered "That's why I love you, I---"

I interrupted "I know you guys just love the skinny and sexy girls. You just make us as a stepping stone to gain popularity"

"No, I'm not. I mean, what's the point?" he paused, and continued "beauty is only temporarily. I don't count on that"

"Are you saying that love is blind, hah?" I retorted.

"No, love's not blind; it just doesn't need to see" he explained, and said  "Love is eternity, it won't seek beauty, beauty is perishable, it won't last"

"Whatever, and how about Patsy and anther girls you dumped?"

"I like Patsy as a friend. I just can't stand seeing someone depressed, so I raised her up. I motivated her"

"And how about the other girls?" I asked.

"Who do you mean? I just tried being friendly" and then he said "Well, it's nearly midnight, I'll call you tomorrow. Good night"

We had a talk on a phone every night, night over night and we got closer and closer. He was a nice person by the way, I had misjudged him all the time and I felt sorry for myself. 

One day, when I was learning prose, I realized that in characterization, we could get to know someone simply by hearing what another characters said about him, or by finding it out by ourselves, and now I know the right way. I felt in love with him for his sincerity, maybe some people would think that I was stupid or something, but I did not care, I am the one who know my own feeling, and what I wanted.

I had to do some math assignments, so I slept over at Patsy's house. I could not imagine how it would be if she knew. She kept telling me her feeling to Jack, how she loved him. I eager to say that Jack liked her as a friend, and we had been dating with me several times, but I just could not do it. I could not send her to her lowest point anymore.

These feeling of regret and repent attacked me on my heart. I just could not stand these burdens. One night I called Jack and said that our secret relationship would not work, and it had to be ended. He said without anger that the choice is mine, but I knew I broke his heart.

"Well, you are afraid of upsetting your friend, but you are upsetting yourself instead, upsetting us if I may say" He said.

But I had come up with that idea, I was born as a woman, I had to think about other women's feeling.

I don't know where he is now, what he is doing, but I am sure that he think about me, and although he looked strong, I know quite well that he is not stronger than I am. He just does not show it, does not want to talk about it with others, and just keep it with him.

Well that's my love story, a story of Jack.

A Story of a Woman - That's it?

Mystery, a Phenomenon

It had been a few weeks ever since I stalked a young lady. I saw her from a distance, staring at her long black hair hanging loose as a flowing river. I loved when she talked, I love when she smiled, I love when she walked, I love when she laughed, and I love everything she did. 

I saw her as the sun, a magnificent creation of God, but the thing I could I do was just staring at her from a distance, avoiding from dazzled, because I might be burnt as I walked closer to her side.

There was a mystery in the core of her heart reflected from a pair of her brown eyeballs that always left unexplainable thing in my mind. 

There was also mystery in her voice which kept reverberating in my soul, even when she didn’t say a word, as if a moon that raise the anger of a tranquil wave.

I was in the middle of her labyrinth, solving the unsolvable riddles.

As time goes by…

I walked with her, I talked to her, I laughed with her, and I did everything with her. As we got along, I felt her light emitted from the hollow of her heart, deep inside her heart, and I found the core of it.

As soon as I understood her light, it was seemed that she lost her light. It grew dimmer and dimmer, and eventually dark. There was no mystery any longer.

“That’s it?”

 “Ah.. I should not have solved the mystery..”

If you love for the sake of beauty

If you love for the sake of beauty

Friedrich Rückert (1788-1866)

Anonymous Translator

If you love for the sake of beauty, O never love me!
Love the sun, which has bright golden hair.
If you love for the sake of youth, O never love me!
Love the spring, which is reborn each year.
If you love for the sake of wealth, O never love me!
Love the mermaid, whose pearls are rich and clear.
If you love for the sake of love alone, O yes then, love me!
Love me as I love you—forever!

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This is actually my assignment, but because I like this poem, I feel like to post a part of my analysis here.

In short, the speaker states that if the listener loved her merely for the sake of her beauty, youth, or wealth, he should never love her, because her beauty, youth, and wealth is not going to stand forever, and  it will vanish in time. I think the speaker of this poem  is a wealthy young beautiful lady, yet agitated because she knows someday those will vanish gradually, and will turn into nothing.

“Love the sun, which has bright golden hair.” Unlike human’s beauty, Rückert represents the sun as a symbol for eternal beauty with its inextinguishable bright flare. Here he puts visual imagery portrays a lady looks up the beautiful bright sun hovering in the sky.

“Love the spring, which is reborn each year”, here, unlike the human’s youth which will be consumed by time, Rückert epitomizes the spring as something everlastingly young and never-get-old and dies because it will have always born each year until the end of time. Rückert expresses it by attaching visual imagery in implied depicts a meadow with a green grass and growing leaves, flying butterflies and blossoming flower.

“Love the mermaid, whose pearls are rich and clear.” Rückert represents the mermaid as the symbol of inexhaustible wealth, unlike human’s wealth that will be decreased. Rückert uses visual imagery as well to depict deep of ocean floor, the mermaids with countless pearls are swimming freely amid countless glittering pearls.

The last two lines are the conclusion of the poem. Rückert covers his poem with two last lines, the seventh and eighth lines: “If you love for the sake of love alone, O yes then, love me!” and ”Love me as I love you-forever!” Here, another conditional utterance used to depict what the speaker’s want, which is being love for of the love itself, not for the beauty, youth, or wealth that will only last temporarily before fading, because love will never fade, but will be everlasting, as she loves him, forever. Rückert impliedly portrays with a visual imagery when a young beautiful lady after her long apprehension, come to a place where a young man stood, she smiled, and embrace him.

How is your interpretation?

Life of the Seafarers

 Life of the Seafarers

 

A bright day, the sun was shining, the breeze attacked me on the face as I glanced to the vast-deep-blue-ocean spread at the bottom of my feet. Down there, two delicate creatures was patiently waiting God's blessing. With their razor teeth, they writhed to and fro.

Here I was, standing by the side of the ship, my hands were tied. I was surrounded by so many crews who were singing and laughing. Right in my back, stood a big man with sword in his right hand, pushing me forcefully with his sword to walk on a long wooden plank. I did not have any choice except walking on the plank, closer and closer to the border. The razor-teeth-creatures were boosted with happiness and leaped as I got closer to the edge.

 

I cannot understand why all my fellows, and my relatives just stayed at the ship, instead of rescuing me, they were just singing and laughing. I tried so hard to hear what they were saying, and singing, and in a faint sound, I heard them singing "Happy birthday. we hope you will always in happiness".

 

I was startled. I was still standing motionlessly. Then, I eventually said " Thank you fellows, I do appreciate everything you do as you do it with an honorable intention", and then tearfully, I jumped overboard fearlessly... and... honorably...

Sea

Sea

'What do you expect? you are not living in heaven', That is the sentence, or perhaps.. excuse I said to myself whenever grieve pervaded into my life, and took away my gaiety.

Days were passing by..

Sadday.. 

Moanday.. 

Tearsday.. 

Wastedday.. 

Thirstday.. 

Frightday.. 

Shatterday..

As the sun born in the east, died in the west, and reincarnated continuously. I awoke from a long hibernation. I felt my head's been round and round. I messed up with my mind. Still, everything seemed to have changed to be somewhat tranquil. I am no longer capable of hearing her silence and gazing her absence. Nobody lingered on my lawn anymore.

I walked to the window, and found the sun shined brighter than ever. Then I sauntered around my backyard, gazing from my left shoulder, and found I was walking on a white sand. No, it was not white sand, it used to be a small pond.

I must have slept for years. In the pond, the sea had been evaporated, and there crystallized into some salt.

The sea might have dried, but it did not entirely vanished, it left a remain.

There is something I cannot let go.. something that I have to live with.

Now, what am I going to do with the salt?

Well, I can put it on my wound, or make it useful in my kitchen. The choice is mine.

An old-looking-young-man

An old-looking-young-man

It was a fine morning when I was walking hastily across Parterre to get my faculty. Glancing at my watch, it was 9.20 a.m. I was 20 minutes late for an appointment with one of my lecturers. As I got there, I rubbed the perspiration on my forehead and then knocked the door. When I was entering the waiting room, there were two people sitting, an old man with grey hair whom I presume to be the secretary, and a young man with a brown hair, judging from his appearance, he was a foreign student supposedly from Tajikistan, Azerbaijan, or somewhere near Russia. As I walked into the room, the old man smilingly greeted me “Hananta, Mr Suk was waiting for you, but now he is in a meeting. You can sit right there” while pointing at a sofa. Then I sat down, released my bag, took some reading book, and then started reading it.

When I was turning the pages, the old man said in Sundanese “Hananta, budak ieu ti Kazakhstan, ganteng nya?” (Hananta, he was from Kazakhstan, he’s handsome, isn't he?).

With a phony smile, I said in Sundanese as well “Muhun pak” (yes sir). But actually, what I wanted to say was “So what’s the point? Who cares? Do you think I am a gay? No matter how handsome he is, I won’t fall in love with him anyway”.

Then I continued reading after such an unimportant interruption. However, because of my curiosity, I listened to their conversation and pretended to keep reading.

From that, I knew that the young man was in some kind of trouble and was waiting for Mr Suk as well. I glanced at my watch and said to myself: “Shit, it’s gonna take a long time”

There was the silence of the grave in the room until the old man tried to break the ice. He told me a joke about the young man. He spoke in Sundanese again “Tingali Ta, si ieu umurna 20 taun, tapi bengeutna kolot pisan nya” (Ta, look at him, He is just 20 years old, but his face is old as hell). Then he laughed undoubtedly out loud.

And again, with such a phony smile, I said “Yes, sir” while glancing at the young man who looked crossed, he frowned. I wonder if he was angry – or at least, felt inconvenienced because there was an old man laughed his ass off in from of his damn eyes.

Shortly after that, there came two old women said that they needed to use a fax. At that time, I definitely knew what was gonna happen if the old people were gathered, they would chatter.

And I was right, the three old people made fun of the poor old-looking-young-man whose the face looked more and more confused. They spoke in Sundanese, presumed that the young man wouldn’t understand what they were saying.

I felt sorry for the young man, but at that time, I just couldn’t help being silent. I just wanted to feel their happiness for a bit, so I laughed, but not at the young man, I laughed at the situation in which three old people were trying to escape from the boredom of their routines life, and to make their life years younger by making a-young-foreign-student as the ‘direct object’. 

The laughter suddenly ceased as a professor came and talked to the young man in sundanese, on the threshold, he asked “Kumaha damang?” (How are you?).

And the young man answered “Aya masalah pak, tapi ieu bade dicarioskeun sareng pak Suk” (Actually there’s a trouble sir, but I’m going to talk about it with Mr Suk).

“Oh, sok atuh, cing bener nya” (Oh, so make it right then) and the professor left right away.

For some minutes after the professor left, somehow the situation was quiet. I saw the old man’s eyes were bulking, so as the two old women’s. They looked nervous to death. I said to myself “Oh god! This guy can speak Sundanese”. I bet the old people were thinking of what I was thinking.

The quiet crept into the room, and soon the laughter changed into silence, as cemetery.

Both of the old women left the room right away. Well, they had the same idea of leaving room as mine, but they implemented it first though. A couple of minutes later, the old man stood up, still with a nervous face. Awkwardly, the old man said whole pointing out to some direction “Uh, I.. I need to go to check some drafts” and promptly disappear as wind.

Then, there were only me and the young-man-with-old-face. I was like a sinner being judged for all my filthy deeds. I felt his gaze stabbed me on the eyes. I thought “God! Why should the old man leave? He’s the one who is responsible”

I glanced at my watch repeatedly, the time move twice slower as usual. I started setting up some plans to leave the room. I should leave this place immediately; anyway, the meeting seemed to take years. Besides, the young man was the first to come. So I pretended to check my phone, and called someone while leaving the room.

The best words

In the dawn, when I was on television, a teenager came from nowhere and asked me to do a favor for him. I did not even know him, but somehow he reminded mo of something in my past. He asked me what to do if someone whom he invested his love and faith to, left him alone, shivering in the despair. Because I had been through that kind of problem, then I simply said that he was lucky that God had shown him the way, and he should not have to wait longer. I asked him to honestly said that he loved and trusted her, then left without glancing over his shoulder. And then he smiled and disappeared.

I was wondering who was that teenager when suddenly there came a young man sprang up like a mushroom. I was startled to see his familiar face but I just too shock to recognize him. Like the previous upcoming, this young man threw me a question, he asked if nobody would take at his words anymore, that was because he talked about uncommon things. Afterwards I was flustered too, since I couldn't cope with it. But then I told him to just take it cool, afterall the dark valley will be radiated by the morning sun. It just about time. Then, like the previous one, he vanished.

In the dusk, I was closing the window when a man emerge, without any permission or introducing himself, he came in and just sat down in he corner of my room, his pupils were dilated, he gritted as if somebody was chasing after him, in a trembling voice, he whisper that he was hunted. Here, I fell in an abyss of quandaries about what had happened in that day. Then the man said that he croaked that he was asked to lie, but he refused it.

Then I told him to do the opposite, perhaps people would think him honest and everything would turn back into normal. 

When he was about to go, there came an old man "Wait!!", and he added. "Are you going to deceive yourself?"

"But it would better than death" The young man drawled.

Angrily, the old man yelled "I know you two and all your problems since you were a child, you are the part of me as I am the part of you. There are still such problem later, are you going to runaway from all of them?", then he cried "you know, the best words are not judged from the diction, metaphors, or structure. The most beautiful word is the word telling the truth!"

Then, as the other people, I and the young man vanished. The old man looked up the night, smiled, and murmured to himself "I always want to turn back the time and fix everything, but this is life".

Dung Beetle

It was rain when I decided to wait until the rain stopped. “It’s gonna take a long time” I think. I glanced my watch, it was 4.45 p.m.

In my right side, there were the road gang boys got drunk and sniffed glue behind their draggled shirt. I was wondering why they voluntarily sacrifice themselves for a moment self-indulgence, self-destructive. 

“Life is too short to be wasted,” I said to myself.

Then I came and asked them "Hey, Where do you life?"

"We live here" One of them said.

"Where did you live? Where is your parents?"

"We are all from Majalengka, I just find myself happy by living like this, with my loyal friends in my good and bed time. They never leave me, they don't criticize me, unlike my parents"

"You could have had a better living condition if u did not leave your parents". They did not say a word, and then I added "You know that right?"

"Yeah we know that, but the most important thing is that I am happy to be what I am, aren't we?" One of the boy looked at the others, and one of them added "Ya, happiness is a thing that cannot be bought by money".

"Ya I got it, the rich are not necessarily happy since they don't have the attitude of gratitude. Yes, it is the key of happiness in this life" I said with flaming eyes.

The rain eased and then I said farewell to all of them.

I got a new lesson in life. There is no point regretting life. I learn how a child can find a needle in the haystack. I used to think that they are scum and the disease within the society, but then I think they are much better than some established men in suit, the rat-headed people that devour the earth and swallow the ocean, yet, they never get satisfied.

Even a Dung beetle can live happily in a hole that full of shit. They always share their food, and never fight over it. Moreover, their life is useful for the farmers in seed dispersal when they rolled the 'dung'. Now I am living in a place that is much better than that, as a human at least, I should be better than a dung beetle.

be a grateful person and useful to others, that's enough.